In the 'Hood

Growing up in pre-WWII in Philadelphia, your whole world was confined within one square block of row houses. One one side we had German, Irish and Italian and on the opposite side were Jewish, Irish, English and Greek. Everyone got along - we were all in the same boat. There was no discrimination - The Irish kids beat up on everyone. What with gas rationing and the scarcity of autos, the street became our playground. The girls jumped rope with long clothline ropes and they were very quick afoot. They made up songs to accompany the jumping and when they inserted two ropes and called it "double Dutch" it was a thing to behold. Both sexes played Hop Scotch and I could hop on one leg to compete while could never match the females with their rope games. The boys' game was stick ball - all you needed was a cut off broomstick and a pink hollow rubber ball called a Spaldeen. Usually a manhole cover was designated as home plate with the trees and gas lamposts as bases. In those days certain merchants delivered supplies to your doorstep using horse and wagon transport. The milkman came in early morning - you could hear the clip-clop of the horse's hooves - the milk was in returnable glass bottles and the rattling of the empty bottles at 6AM preceded the alarm clock. But the bakery goods arrived in mid-afternoon usually during a stick ball game - we begged the driver - not for sample sweets but to please not park the horse over home plate. Were the horse to have an accident then the game would be called and what could a guy do on a summer day? Perhaps mow the lawn or visit the library? Are you kidding? How about a cold Pepsi under a shade tree.!!
More later.
teejay8232@aol.com

Retreat Master

A colleague introduced me to the late Rev. John Seary, O.S.A. who had taught in various high schools and colleges operated by the Augustinian order. When I met him he was a retired retreat master who had traveled the college circuit - Merrimac - Villanova - and their Florida institution. One spring he was giving a religious retreat to Villanova sophomores (pre coed) - the weather was balmy and the windows were open with these twenty-year olds slouching in their chairs and wishing they were elsewhere.
He recognized that he could not reach them that morning so he threw away his script and announced -"Today we are going to discuss "courtship" - and his listeners all straightened up in their chairs. And he began to recite the following:
"Last night I held your little hand - so thrilled was I - I thought I'd die - 
 my blood ran hot and then ran cold - of little hands one loves to hold -
 no other hand in all the world could greater solace bring  -
 than the little hand I held last night - FOUR ACES AND A KING."
teejay8232@aol.com

Chicago

Recently, I introduced you to the late Fr. Tom Wassel, port chaplain of Philadelphia. I had been assisting him with communion breakfasts and membership drives and as a reward he invited me to accompany him to Chicago for a Chaplains convention. It would be my first airplane flight - a turbo-jet Phila. to Midway Chicago. I figured that if anything went wrong with the plane I had the Sky-pilot in the next seat
to give me absolution. The convention was downtown in the Loop and he booked us into the upscale Palmer House (circa 1960). It was Thanksgiving week and our business was concluded on Wednesday.
I thought we would be heading home but he was in no hurry to return to his parish and suggested we stay for Thanksgiving Dinner in Chicago. It was cold and blustery and I said that the Palmer House had an early dinner show with Sophie Tucker entertaining. I had seen Sophie on Ed Sullivan's TV show and she was pure as driven snow. But not in a night club setting and Sophie came out in a cowboy outfit and did a red hot mama show with lots of double entendre. The bluer Sophie got - the redder Fr. Tom's neck got. I said mea culpa, mea culpa and it was a quiet flight home.
teejay8232@aol.com

Drying out

The late nightclub comedian Joe. E. Lewis had a problem with the sauce and after a particularly serious binge he was convinced to enter a drying out facility for re-hab etc. The doctor handling his admission began interrogating him thusly - "Joe, I understand your drink of preference is Johnny Walker Black Label. How much do you drink per day? Would you say perhaps one glass, two glasses, a pint? Joe stopped him right there. He said, a pint? - Doc, I spill that much.!!!

This is the same sage who once opined "You can lead a horse to water but if you can get him to do the backstroke, ya got somethin'!"
teejay8232@aol.com

Cross Word

Each day I make a valiant attempt to solve the N.Y. Times crossword puzzle. I figure it will keep my mind sharp. The monday puzzles are usually solvable but they get more difficult as the week wears on and the Sunday puzzle requires a committee a/o a long day at the beach. Quite often their clues can be "cute". In a recent puzzle the clue was "neighbor of John" for a five letter word. At first I thought it was a biblical name - or perhaps it might be RINGO - but I was wrong - the answer was BIDET i.e. a neighbor of John.........
teejay8232@aol.com

Thanksgiving

I sit here today surrounded by family and loved ones to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving Day. But twenty-four years ago I spent Thanksgiving alone with a deli takeout box lunch. It was then that my employer of thirty-six years - United States Lines - declared bankruptcy on the Monday before the holiday - without warning -  with many of my friends forced onto the unemployment lines. I was lucky or unlucky to be reassigned to "rear guard" activity manning the phones and telexes around the clock 24/7 as our fleet of vessels was spread out around the globe and were vulnerable to seizure or placarding.
We all survived this event and life goes on but today some people dear to me are spending this holiday alone and my heart and good wishes go out to them. As we sit at table today and after Grace and Thanksgiving are pronounced I will request an extra portion of stuffing but will pass on the  Brussels Sprouts..
teejay8232@aol.com

Tour Traveler

A fellow jumped into the barber's chair for his bi-weekly trim and announced that he was planning a guided tour of Italy. The following exchanged ensued:
BB - Where are you going to stay?
TT - We are booked into the Excelsior Hotel a five star facility.
BB - It's overpriced and overrated  - you won't like it. What else have you planned.?
TT - I always wanted to have Fettucini at Alfredo's.
BB - It's a tourist trap, the pasta is overcooked and you won't get a table. What else?
TT - We have arranged an audience with the Pope.
BB - You won't get near him - you'll be behind the ropes and lucky to see him from the upper window.
A month later our TT returned to the barber shop and the BB asked him how was your trip?
TT - The Excelsior was fabulous, first class, heated towel racks in the bathroom etc. and the Fettucini at Alfredo's was al dente and the chef mixed the pasta at our table. And we had a private audience with the Pope!!
BB - I'm impressed - what did the Pope say to you.?
TT - He asked me where did you get that lousy haircut.!
teejay8232@aol.com

Port Chaplain

When I worked in the shipping industry in Philadelphia I became acquainted with the Catholic Port Chaplain Fr. Tom Wassel. He came out of the Pennsylvania coal region but adapted easily to the South Philadelphia waterfront. He maintained a small chapel on Pier 98 to minister to seamen in port as well as the longshoremen working the docks. One Sunday I visited the pier to touch and feel the cargo - on the job training. Fr. Tom collared me and said he needed me to do the readings at mass. It happened to be the first Sunday of Advent and the reading was one of St. Paul's letters to the Romans where he admonished his listeners to abstain from drunkeness and fornication and the lot. So here was this young "acolyte" at the lectern reading Paul's words to a couple dozen rugged dockworkers, some of whom might have been out the night before doing some of the things that Paul was railing about.
teejay8232@aol.com
Next - Tour Traveler

State Fair

Some years ago when I was working the traffic desk at USL Philadelphia I received a phone call from a fellow who wanted to ship a trailer-load of stuffed teddy bears to Honolulu for the upcoming State Fair.
He was part of a carnival group and this was a Ma & Pa operation. A price of $3000. was negotiated  (prepaid since these carny folks had no banking channels) and delivery to the dock was set for a Friday afternoon. On the appointed day Ma & Pa arrived with their cargo - Pa driving and Ma holding a large "carpet" bag. The pier office was crowded with clerks, checkers and dockworkers when Ma strode in, approached the chief clerk and turned her carpet bag upside down thereby dumping three thousand crumpled dollar bills on his desk. The assembled group were "bugeyed" - they had never seen such a pile of greenbacks like that. Now in those days the banks all closed at 3:00PM - there were no drop boxes or ATMS and the petty cash drawer couldn't hold such a windfall so the poor freight cashier had to carry this bundle home to babysit over the weekend.
teejay8232@aol.com

Adlai E. Stephenson

Adlai E. Stephenson was a former governor of Illinois when he ran against Dwight D. Eisenhower for president in 1952 & again in 1956 losing both times. It was thought that he was too intellectual for the time with the 1950s being between two wars and IKE appeared more paternal to the average voter as well as a war hero.  Later JFK appointed him as U.N. ambassador where he confronted the Russians during the Cuban missile crisis.
Stephenson's wit and erudition was in evidence after giving a speech one evening on a subject that escapes me but whatever the content it provoked a comment from the audience asking him to compare  Norman Vincent Peale, a Manhattan minister,  to  St. Paul.
When asked his opinion Stephenson replied  - "Frankly, I found Paul appealing and Peale appalling." This without benefit of speech writers, handlers or P.R. men. Today's politicians confuse buzzwords with wit.
teejay8232@aol.com
Next - State Fair

Winston Churchill

When Winston Churchill was a young member of parliament he sported a tiny mustache on his round face. After a speech one night in his district he was accosted by a lady who said to him "I don't like your policies and I don't like your stupid mustache." To which Churchill responded "Madam, I assure you that you shall never become familiar with either."
teejay8232@aol.com
Next - Adlai E. Stephenson

From time to time I would like to share with you some of my experiences and the characters I have met during a half century in the steamship business. Hope I do not bore anyone.

Brevity with levity

An old parish pastor was assigned a new young priest right out of the seminary. As Sunday approached the young curate grew anxious about his first homily. He went to the old man and confessed his anxiety and asked "What shall I speak about at Sunday Mass?" The pastor replied "Speak about six minutes."
teejay8232@aol.com
Next - Winston Churchill

Tomorrow we will be traveling up north for Thanksgiving returning Nov. 30. - during that time my posting schedule may be affected by the ability to transmit in temporary quarters. I will try to publish daily if conditions permit. Stay tuned.

Don't overlook the "comment" section - while I don't take rejection well I would like some feedback from my readers - perhaps we could foster a dialogue....................

Football Rivalries

Late November is the time for many traditional football rivalries i.e. Penn-Cornell, Army-Navy, etc but for New Englanders, there is Harvard-Yale and particularly Boston College vs Holy Cross, two Jesuit institutions both in Massachusetts.  I specifically recall their famous game in November 1940. Boston College was heavily favored and their team included an All-American halfback Mike Holovak. BC was so confident of winning that they had planned a victory dinner celebration at a local night club. But a football takes strange bounces and Holy Cross came out on top. There was so much disappointment in the BC camp that they cancelled their celebration at the Coconut Grove Night club that evening which was the night of the great fire that consumed the facility and caused hundreds to lose their lives. Sometimes you win by losing. It was seventy years ago this month. Many of those athletes soon went off to war to fight a more serious contest on a different field of battle.
teejay8232@aol.com
Next - Brevity with levity.

The Violinist and the Lady

The famous violinist Fritz Kreisler was recruited to perform for a Women's group. He met with the head lady to discuss his suggested musical program and informed her his fee would be $1000. This was all acceptable but she laid out her conditions:
A - I want you to arrive one half hour before our luncheon.
B - I want you to use the servants' entrance.
C - and I do NOT want you mingling with my guests.

He replied "Madam, if I am not required to mingle with your guests then my fee will be only $500."

teejay8232@aol.com
Tomorrow - "Football Rivalries"

Bridal Jitters

There is a story told of a young bride-to-be who grew very nervous as the big day approached. She went to her mother saying she was not sure she could go thru with the wedding. Her wise mother said "Not to worry - just remember the following three words and you will be just fine."
AISLE - concentrate on walking down the middle aisle at the church.
ALTAR - your betrothed will be waiting for you there.
HYMN - and the organist will be playing a hymn or something from Lohengrin.

So just keep repeating AISLE -ALTAR - HYMN - and all shall be well.

Of course with some guys it's too late for alterations.!!
teejay8232@aol.com

Ambivalence

Did you ever look at a glass and wonder if it was half full or half empty? You get a sense of "ambivalence".
Back home in Philadelphia there was a prominent attorney named Joseph S. Lord who rose thru the legal establishment and was eventually nominated to the Federal Bench. To celebrate this elevation to the Court he invited his partners to a dinner celebration at a local watering hole on Locust Street. It developed into a long and liquid evening and as they exited the premises and while waiting for a taxi the honoree turned to his friends and said "I am overwhelmed with a sense of ambivalence. I don't know whether I am sober as a judge or drunk as a lord."
tjs (and I approve of this message)
PS - My sense of ambivalence is I don't know whether I do my best writing in the morning with a cup of coffee or in the evening with a glass of claret - or none of the above.

Flash

The best line I heard tonight from a political pundit had to do with the write in ballot in Alaska and the various challenges to it. He said we might end up with a runoff between Lisa Murkowski and Monica Lewinsky...............
tjs

The Lowly Potato

An elite Idaho potato got together with a blueblood potato from Maine and together produced a Long Island potato. (North Shore) The youngster was spoiled and opinionated and one day announced to her parents "When I grow up I want to marry Walter Cronkite ." The parents said "You can't marry Walter Cronkite - he's just a commontator." (And a good one he was.)

You can mash it, hash it, slice it and dice it - grocers sell it but Dan Quayle couldn't spell it.
tjs

Birthday

Today November 11, 2010 is my birthday - I share this date with a fellow Scorpio my late and respected father-in-law John F. McDevitt. The calendar reminds me that I am eighty-one years old. This is an incredible number. In Super Bowl years it is LXXXI - you wonder how the Romans dealt with such numbering at the grocery store.

For those of you who missed my birthday you can redeem yourselves next year. A peek at next year's calendar reveals the date to be --- 11-11-11 a perfect tri-fecta for a gambler at the track. I hope it does not have any Satanic connotations similar to 6-6-6.
Don't get too close to the birthday cake - the candle power will singe your hair - and I hope I have the wind power to extinguish it.
"They" say as we get older the memory is the second thing to go - and I can't remember what the first thing is.
So, many happy returns of the day.
tjs

Clarity of Language

During my years in International Commerce I had to communicate with many people in Europe and South America whose first language was not English. I always tried to avoid any slang, jargon or acronyms to ensure I was understood. I wanted to avoid the following scenario:

This story is about a plumber (call him Joe) from Grand Rapids Michigan who was about to undertake a project and needed to know the effect of sulphuric acid on cast iron. (pre-Google). He decided to write to the U.S. Dept. of Labor in Washington D.C. who he felt would know the answer. The following exchange ensued:
JOE - defined his dilemma.
USDL - Thank you for your inquiry. Be advised that sulphuric acid is contraindicated for your project.
JOE - Thank you for your prompt reply. I have just ordered a carboy (large bell shaped jar) of acid.
USDL - (via air mail) - Please note that sulphuric acid is deleterious to cast iron.
JOE - I appreciate your interest - the acid just arrived and I plan to start the project tomorrow.
USDL - (via telegram) DON'T USE THE ACID - IT EATS THE HELL OUT OF CAST IRON!!
Clear - concise and correct.
tjs

Correction

An observant church-going reader has reminded me that the bleacher sign actually read JOHN 3:16 in short that Christ gave his life for us. My reference to JOHN 2:18 reads "the end is near." - which might have been a sign I  saw in the bottom of the ninth inning. In any event I was too generous with Tommy John's ERA record.
tjs

Bleacher Smells

The recent World Series was played between the Texas Rangers of the American League and the San Francisco Giants of the National League. It is rare for a American League team to play in the other league's back yard. So it was a strange environment for the Ranger's centerfielder when he first entered the Giants AT&T field which abuts the Bay marina. This star player was a recovering  addict and had come through re-hab for alcohol and drug addiction to post a spectacular season. But he must have had an acute sense of smell for he told reporters of the sweet aroma wafting out from the right-centerfield bleachers on the breeze from McCovey Cove. After all, this was San Francisco and it probably was not "Medical Marijuana" that he smelled. I have a friend who had season tickets in that bleacher area and I must ask my friend if this story is correct.

The last time I smelled such "sweetness" was while on a schooner sailing thru the British Virgin Islands and the captain put into a remote island called Jost Van Dyke where a spooky guy named Foxy operated an outdoor bar - there was no electricity on the island just kerosene lamps hanging with a pig on the spit and the sweet aroma of pot wafting thru the trees. With flashlight in one hand and the other on my wallet
I retreated to the safety of the ship to admire the stars which were not obscured by any blue smoke.
tjs

Bleacher Signs

Having just witnessed the recent World Series one can't help noticing the number of signs held up by fans to attract the roving cameras - some more clever than others. In the past there was always one that stood out and appeared at every outdoor arena and stadium - truly ubiquitous. It read in large print
JOHN 2:18 and was a reference to Scripture about repentance and salvation. I haven't seen this fellow recently and perhaps he has gone to his eternal reward.

A friend of mine when first seeing this sign thought it was a reference to the baseball pitcher Tommy John's earned run average - which was down around 2.18.  Perhaps my friend never opened his New Testament. It's all in the eyes of the beholder............
tjs

MidTerm Elections

Have you ever noticed that after midterm elections the losers never go home? Say Tom Daschle, Trent Lott, John Breaux, Dick Armey, Bob Dole etc etc - they just go down to K street and hang out shingles - this happens every two years and K street must be bulging with lobbyists. They won't go away, you can never stamp them out - they survive like cockroaches.

In 1940 FDR was re-elected to a third term in a landslide. He took many first time congressmen in with him on his coattails. This included a group of Irish Mafia from Philadelphia - Bill Green, Herb McGlinchy,Frank Smith, Mike Bradley and Phil(?) Granahan. Two years later in 1942 there was the usual off year election and all except Green were bounced. But the party took care of their loyalists:
McGlinchy was made Director of Public roads for Penna.
Frank Smith was given the Insurance Commissioner job in Penna.
Mike Bradley was made Collector of Customs for the Phila Port - a federal plum.
and Granahan's widow became Treasurer of the United States and her signature appeared on our paper currency.
Not much has changed in seventy years and the wheels of government grind on.
tjs

Shyness

There is a story told of a shy young man who desired to improve his technique with the ladies. He thought perhaps he might find some pearls of wisdom in the local library. So off he went but was embarrassed to ask for help and proceeded to roam the aisles at random. He located a book whose spine cover bore the title "HOW TO HUG". He thought this might be a beginning and rather than checking it out he tucked it in his coat and rushed home. When he opened it he found it was the Sixth volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica H O W  TO  H U G . The moral here is always ask for assistance, it might get you a date with the librarian.
tjs

Wedding Day

Nov.2,2010

When my wife and I decided to get married I was living in New York and she in Penna. As the big day approached my prospective in-laws invited me to stay at the McDevitt household to minimize any travel strain. The exchange of vows was scheduled for 3:00PM and by mid-day I was already vested in my formal attire and pacing the floor when the doorbell rang. On the doorstep was the wedding photographer
who greeted me thusly - "Are you the father of the bride?" I tried to relieve his embarrassment as I didn't want a nervous finger on the camera. Anyway, I did pay his bill and many of you are in these photos and he did a fine job of touching up on all of us.
tjs 11-02-10

Election Eve

- Chris Matthews asked that bubba Hayley Barbour if he would consider running for Pres. in 2012 - he hedged - he will be the leader of the Boys Club to block Sarah. If he gets in the White House they will have to resurrect William Howard Taft's bathtub to handle his averdupois.? (that's kilos)

-The Alaska write in vote will take weeks to count  - we have hanging chad experts in Fla. we can send up there to speed things up. And Jimmy Carter could keep them honest.

- On a serious note - the recent census of 2010 will cause redistricting in the House - i.e. they say six or seven seats could leave the midwest and head south with the population shifting. This fact is being lost in the current hoopla.

As they used to say in Harrisburg - "Down the line with Duff & Fine.