Red Right Returning

The ferry operator currently serving Far Rockaway, Queens to Manhattan has been exploring the feasibility of water service from that beach area to J.F.K. Airport. They recently tried a "dry" run with twenty-five passengers representing local businesses and political officials. Unfortunately, the ferryboat went aground on an uncharted shoal which is not surprising since storm Sandy changed the configuration of the ocean bottom.  After an hour of being stuck in the mud the passengers were removed to a fireboat and the ferry was to await the next high tide. This seemed to throw "cold water" on the enterprise and we will have to revert to the Van Wyck Expressway with its bumper to bumper frustration. But don't miss your flight - better to take a limo.
tjs

Just a Reminder

I am writing this today May 29th to remind myself that tomorrow May 30th is "our" 33rd wedding anniversary and I wouldn't want my lovely wife to think that I forgot the day we tied the knot. It seems like only yesterday we commandeered a Fairmount Park Trolley to take the party to the Water Works on the banks of the Schuylkill River. The weather held up for us, the patio umbrellas arrived in the nick of time and a three piece orchestra serenaded our guests - and the champagne was cold.
An old Irish grandmother was once quoted "marry in May and rue the day!" But my wife and I debunked that old saw. There is no better time than the merry month of May.
tjs

What's in a Name?

The hue and cry has once again arisen over the Washington Redskins name, mascot and logo as alleged to be demeaning to native Americans. Even half the U.S. Senate has chimed in although many of them have enjoyed season tickets without a whimper since Slinging Sammy Baugh came on the scene in 1937. To be fair you would then have to do away with the Cleveland Indian and the Atlanta Brave and I must confess I could do without that tomahawk chant emitting from Atlanta.  The safest thing is to stay "with the birds" - Cardinal, Oriole and Blue Jay. Before the Braves were in Atlanta or Milwaukee,  they were in Boston and after a poor season in 1935 they were sold to new owners who ran a contest for a new name. For 1936 season they became the Boston BEES and their playing field was known as  the BEE HIVE. What could be more non-controversial than a HoneyBee? This buzzing remained until 1940 when after five "stinging" seasons they resumed as Braves and the rest is history.
tjs

The Blue Laws

If you grew up in Philadelphia during the 1930s you lived under the yoke of the Pennsylvania Blue Laws which were originally enacted in the seventeenth century when the Commonwealth was founded by God-fearing Quakers. There were no movies on Sunday and you couldn't slake your thirst on the Sabbath unless you joined a private club. Moreover, the professional baseball teams - Athletics and Phillies - couldn't play after sundown on Sunday. WWII changed much as the defense plants were working 24/7. But amid this bastion of Bluenosed bumbling sat the TROC Burlesque Theatre at 10th & Arch Sts - north of Market St. (NOMA) featuring a baggy pants comedian Billy "Cheese & Crackers" Hagan followed by a parade of exotic dancers or "ecdysiasts" with names such as Tempest Storm, Jade Green or Sue Veneer. It might be raided on occasion but remained open as the politicians were probably among those bald headed guys in the front row. We juveniles referred to the place as the Theodore Roosevelt Opera Company.
tjs

NIMBY

NIMBY is an acronym for the rallying cry "Not In My Back Yard" raised by those not wanting a Blue Route or fracking running thru their property. I thought of the "word" reading that a trendy bar in Brooklyn issued a ban on children. It seems that moms with strollers were creating a traffic jam in the aisles and annoying the clientele. I can sympathize with the complainants who may just want a bit of solace from the bartender or a quick liquid lunch. Perhaps the toddlers were getting into the pretzel bowls. It's a shame they couldn't arbitrate and give the kiddies maybe 2-4PM similar to what they do at swimming pools and this wouldn't conflict with the wine tasting or the happy hour. Back in Philadelphia we called bars "taprooms" and many had a "ladies entrance" but nary one for children. So let this curmudgeon echo "NIMBY" - Not In My Bar, Youngster!
P.S. And all you daddies thought your children were in the park feeding the pigeons.
tjs

Toasts of the Town

We are approaching the season for graduations and weddings when many toasts will hail:

Here's to the little girl who lives on the hill -
Her father owns a liquor store and I love her still.

As you slide down the bannister of life - may the splinters be pointing in the right direction.

Here's to our first parents - Adam and Eve-
who wore fig leaves and that's all.
Here's to my favorite season, Autumn -
When the leaves begin to fall.

Too much work and no vacation -
deserves at least a small libation.
So hail my friends and raise your glasses -
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. (O. Wilde)
tjs

The Turtle Society

Next Friday, May 23rd, is World Turtle Day. Presumably this is when the little critters leave their hatcheries on the beach and waddle down to the surf if not done in by dune buggies. Some years ago I had dinner with clients at Johnny Lattner's restaurant in Chicago. It was a huge amphitheater of a room and a group calling themselves The Turtle Society was having their induction meeting in this very public arena. They announced that the Turtle was a very clean minded individual and to be included in the group an applicant must answer such as the following: What does a man do standing up, that a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? If you didn't answer "shake hands" then you couldn't be accepted in their Society. We canvassed our table members and it appeared that none of us would be swimming with turtles that night.
tjs

Save the Date

Wedding planners tell us there is a rush to reserve the date of 12-13-14 for tying the knot as it will be the last time such a sequence will be available and also easy to remember plus it also falls on a Saturday. My brother's wedding took place on 6-11-66 which was a popular sequence for "numbers" players as this was pre-lottery times. In my youth Philadelphia was ethnically divided  - with Polish in the northeast, Italians in South Philly and the southwest was Irishtown - you were identified by your parish and there were many large families. It was an era when, if marriage was on your mind, you reserved the hall and then you went out to find a bride. Ouch!
tjs

Cue the Proofreader II

In the aftermath of the dust-up over the changing of the guard at my favorite newspaper, hundreds of readers and non-readers rushed into the blogosphere with their opinions and theories. One such chap offered the following: "I've worked "their" so I am not at all shocked...." Well, he may have worked "their" but I'm sure he didn't write "their." Flunking fourth grade grammar wouldn't get him past The Old Grey Lady's doorstep. The lesson here might be "Be careful when you offer your "TOO SENSE" - those homonyms may "KETCH' you every 'THYME'.
tjs

Observations While Shaving

Will Rogers was famous for tweaking Congress. Were he alive today he might say something like "Congress is so much better at holding hearings than at passing laws."

If I learn nothing more about Benghazi, I learned to spell it correctly.

Famous daily refrain "The Dow is finishing off its lows!"

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.(Steven Wright)

I think of my blog as something nobody reads. (Ruth Reichl)
tjs

Cue the Proofreader

Today's New York Times web site has an article on the function of the Copy Editor - the last clearance point before heading to print. I thought of the item by a sports reporter in a Philadelphia Daily News article yesterday describing the previous day's baseball game. He wrote "he through to first" describing the activity. Of course, "spellcheck" wouldn't catch this. And I guess the copy editor didn't either. If this were the Times it would never reach the light of day. Picky - picky!
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/times-insider/2014/05/12/the-copy-desk-the-end-of-the-gauntlet-or-is-it-gantlet/?gwh=69127DBA677C1AC5E8A90139A2567B77&gwt=pay&assetType=inside_story

Road Rage

As I was exiting the supermarket parking lot following prescribed directions, I came face to face with another vehicle proceeding in the wrong direction. We both paused. Wishing to be non-confrontational I asked the other driver if he had not seen the ARROW. He said, "What arrow, I didn't even see the Indians!" Unable to top that rejoinder I tipped my cap and we both went on our respective ways. And road rage was averted!
tjs

The End Game

If you remember that friendly Boston bar called "Cheers" where

"everybody knows your name" - well, as we all know everybody knows more about us than just our names. As an octogenarian I recently received in the mail an inquiry from a local funeral parlor which was followed up by their "kit'. Their price list was mind boggling. For those of you who vow to take it with you when you go, their top casket price is $9800. which gives you "Classic gold solid 48 oz. bronze brushed with ebony highlights champagne velvet interior." If you find this too ornate they also offer what they refer to as "Alternative Containers" whose rock bottom price is $255. for a "Trayview Cardboard construction woodgrain appearance." Ouch! My old Irish grandmother used to say "Give the garbage man a quarter!" But I'll bet even he has had a price increase. Above offered with no obligation on your part.
tjs

Banana's "appeal"

There was an old song with the lyric "I like bananas because they have no bones." I also like them for their source of potassium. The comic Phil Silvers (who played Sgt. Bilko on TV) once toured in a show called "Top Banana" - a vaudeville term. But I recently learned that after all these years I am peeling it incorrectly. I go after the stem and break it off not always smoothly. But I saw where monkeys pinch the bottom tip and it peels easier. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
tjs