Hired Help

Fritz Kreisler the famous violinist was once approached by a society matron to play at her upcoming social. His schedule was open and he agreed to perform and said his fee would be $1000. That did not faze her but she said there would be "conditions" - he must arrive on time, use the servants entrance and not mingle with her guests. He replied "Madam, in as much as I will not be required to mingle with your guests then my fee will only be $500."
tjs
(The blogger is in Cape May through the holiday weekend. As Bogart said "I came for the waters." I will resurface afterwards with perhaps a few Golden Oldies in the interim." Wishing you all a safe travel weekend.

Urban Relocation

A small town in Sweden, (pop. 18,000) is moving itself two miles - lock, stock and barrel - even the church will be moved intact. No, not because the North Sea is encroaching on it yet. It seems a local mine owner (the Government) has been extracting iron ore and such efforts have now reached under the town so there is a fear of the entire town collapsing at some future time. On the bright side the mine owner is bearing the entire expense of moving the people into new housing two miles down the road. Can you visualize this occurring elsewhere absent a class action lawsuit? NIMBY!
tjs

Politics and Then Some

A GOP donor refusing to support Donald Trump describes him as follows: "He's an ignorant, amoral, dishonest, and manipulative, misogynistic, philandering, hyper-litigious, isolationist, protectionist blowhard." I wonder how he really feels.

The Chinese government is once again trying to suppress Christianity by removing crosses from the steeples of churches of various denominations. So far they have applied blowtorches or saws to 1200 churches just in one province. This is deja vu as I can recall they held a Maryknoll bishop under house arrest because he refused to leave the country and that was back in 1950 when the agrarian reformers arrived.

And then we have the University of Miami offering an endowed chair for the study of atheism. No further comment.
tjs

Weighing In

High Wycombe, an English town outside London, continues to practice a medieval custom of weighing its elected officials. Each May, the Mayor and other elected officials are seated on brass scales in the middle of the town square. For those who have gained from the previous year the macebearer shouts "and some more" and the crowd shouts and throws rotten fruit. For those who lost weight he shouts "and no more" and the crowd cheers. A widening of the waistline was jeered as a sign that an official had grown fat at the taxpayer's expense. It occurs that we have seen some chubby political candidates this year and instead of shooting off a gun on Fifth Avenue perhaps we should set up scales in Times Square. See the fruit vendor beforehand.
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/19/world/what-in-the-world/high-wycombe-england-annual-weigh-in.html?ref=world

Color Coded

The U.K. will be voting in June whether to remain in the European Union and the Prime Minister is considering using Tinder, a dating app, to reach the young voters in support of his position. Just think, meeting your date at the polling place could replace the bar scene. Better to find out early whether he/she is red or blue. Reminds me of that Irish folk song "Me father he was orange and me mother she was green."
tjs

Current Headlines

A prominent jurist of the time when commenting on the first state to secede in 1860 said "It's too small for a Republic and too large for an insane asylum!" (With apologies to my friends in Charleston)

Headline: Iran accuses Kim Kardashian of a covert operation.........the opposite of covert is exposure which is more likely the case.

"Ignorance is not a virtue!" - Barack Obama at Rutgers.

Headline: "The Taj Mahal is under attack by bugs!" No, not the casino, the real thing! Millions of mosquito like insects are swarming over the famous shrine and their residue is turning the white walls green - and the tourists are beginning to notice. The bugs seem to find it a romantic place to mate.
tjs

Running Bear

A black bear was sighted in Fairmount Park, Philadelphia, specifically near Valley Green and the Wissahickon Creek. This is an area frequented by hikers, bikers and picnickers. A fisherman saw him in the creek trying his paw at catching a meal. Mentioning bears and picnicking recalled that children's song by Jerry Garcia "The Teddy Bears Picnic":
-If you go down to the woods today -
-You're sure of a big surprise -
-If you go down to the woods today -
-You better go in disguise -
- For every bear that ever there was -
-Will gather there for certain because -
-Today's the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic.
tjs

Make America Sate Again

Budweiser's new campaign effective May 22 through election day is to replace the name Budweiser with America. They are placing patriotic texts and lyrics on their cans including replacing the phrase "The King of Beers" with "E Pluribus Unum" (Out of Many, One) so royalty is bowing to the proletariat. The campaign is officially named "America is in Your Hands" as long as you don't have those stubby little fingers. And, yes, Donald Trump does think they copied his slogan. A lawsuit, perhaps? Drink again!
tjs

Potpourri IX

Quote of the week describing Donald Trump:
"He doesn't know what he doesn't know!" -Paul Krugman
(Shades of Donald Rumsfeld)

May 15th was Skimmer Day the day I dust off my straw boater and stroll down the boulevard ala Maurice Chevalier. I wore this on my sales beat and once made a call on Hershey Chocolate. The receptionist kept a jar of Hershey kisses on her credenza. When I was summoned to the inner sanctum I left my hat on her credenza. On my departure as I placed the straw boater on my head I was showered with candy wrappers as someone thought my chapeau was a receptacle. I wish I could have "wrapped" up the business to make the day "sweeter".
tjs

Stoned in Central Park

In late March, under cover of darkness, a van drove into Central Park NYC and deposited an engraved granite tombstone for public display. It turned out to be a prank by a local artist noted for such chicanery. The engraving read: TRUMP   Donald J. 1946 - ____ with the further inscription "Make America Hate Again." The artist said he was making an artistic statement suggesting that Mr. Trump should rethink his legacy. The headstone was quickly removed by the Parks Department. Seven weeks went by when the artist' doorbell rang and he was visited by several plainclothes policemen and a Secret Service Agent who asked him what books he was reading among other questions. That's the same question Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin and I wish someone would ask Trump. The poor fellow said he only wanted to remind the playground bully of his own mortality.
tjs

National Mammal

Well you heard it here - we now have a National Mammal - the Bison - to be differentiated from our National Animal which is the Bald Eagle. It is said that bisons are surprisingly quick  reaching speeds of up to 35 mph which is almost as fast as a thoroughbred horse but not fast enough to outrun hunters bullets. The Founding Fathers had a debate about the eagle with Benjamin Franklin rooting for the turkey because the eagle "is a bird of bad moral character." Of course Franklin had been to Paris so he knew something about "bad moral character." Ooo-la-la.
tjs

Putter-ing Around

Attention Golfers! The Associated Press reported that a professional golfer was disqualified from the Wells Fargo Championship after hitting himself in the head with his putter after missing a birdie putt. He then continued to use the bent putter to finish out the hole. The rule he broke was using a club damaged other than in the normal course of play. You might say he got "shafted" but it was self-inflicted.

Quote of the day compliments of Cowboy of Wichita -
-At the end of the day Trump shall over comb!
Had to share that with you.
tjs

Sacred Cows

India is doing its best to combat global warming. The country is home to 280 million cows plus another 200 million more ruminant animals whose digestive tracts send 13 million tons of methane into the atmosphere every year. Methane traps 25 times that of CO2 in the atmosphere and most of it comes from belching vice flatulence. But breeding experts are experimenting with a strain of miniature cattle which would produce one tenth as much methane. I had a colleague who flew transports in the China Burma theater who said when flying over Calcutta you could smell it. It must of been all those cows letting it all hang out.
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/04/world/what-in-the-world/india-cows-carbon-emissions.html?src=me&_r=0

Primarily Political XIV

"By their fruits you shall know them" - Matt. 7:16

Donald Trump's endorsers all have a strain running through them - perhaps somewhat macho - as witness:
-Bobby Knight, former basketball coach at Indiana U. who was fired by the university. Trump's tweet misspelled his name.
-Mike Tyson, former heavyweight boxer, whose claim to fame was biting an opponent's ear during a match.
-Then he wheeled out Lou Holtz, former football coach at Notre Dame, who said how impressed he was with Trump's first class hotels and golf courses. Coach, we are not electing a hotel concierge! As Trump himself might say "Unbelievable!"
tjs

Thoughts at Random I

A drug company explaining its balance sheet said it had identified additional "indicators of impairment" among certain intangible assets. Certainly not a "buy" signal.

Paul Manafort is Donald Trump's new campaign manager. The word "manafort" in Italian means "strong hands" as contrasted with the alleged "small" hands of his client.

"When one has a hammer everything looks like a nail."

Ted Cruz reminds me of the CEO at Lehman Bros. When the chips were down he had no friends - and certainly not John Boehner.
tjs

A Pride of Lions

 It was reported last week that 33 circus lions have been released from their bondage in Peru and Colombia and are being airlifted to a Big Cat Sanctuary in South Africa. They will be kept in a single cage in a cargo jet for the fifteen hour flight. They will be organized by family groups and placed so they face others with whom they get along to ensure that they stay calm for the trip. There will be attendants to provide water and meat. One of the Peruvian lions is named SMITH - and gained a measure of notoriety while in captivity for attacking a teacher in 2014. I do not take PRIDE in that fact.
tjs