Bon Voyage

Last week a Frenchman set "sail" from a Canary Island hoping to float with the wind and current and arrive in a Caribbean Island. Except he is attempting this voyage in a barrel-like capsule. He said he would like to end up on a French Island as "the paper work would be easier." Amen to that! When the schooner TIKI put into Fort du France, Martinique the tri-color was flying from the flagpole and the Customs Inspector wearing his kepi was all business, checking our passports and our passenger manifest (10 passengers). He doubled as the Port Manager and could make your life easy or otherwise. In the long ago, we had to submit our cargo manifest to the local French Consul before sailing to get stamped and approved. After twenty years consulate duty in China he was pleased to be in Philadelphia but we always sent an escort with our secretary as the old boy had an eye for the ladies.
tjs

Of Sound Mind.

Because of all the fraud and corruption in the real estate business in Moscow (Russia that is) anyone wishing to sell their apartment or dwelling must provide a "certificate of sanity" to complete closing. It is usually a twenty minute session with a psychologist to prove that you are of sound mind and rational. Buyers are also not immune as their money in escrow often gets frozen or manipulated. Which brings us to the phantom Trump Tower which if ever built will be a field day for the criminals perpetrating such fraud and one more headache for the fellow temporarily in residence at the White House.
tjs
(NYT 12/26/18)

Happiness

With the Dow tanking it is difficult to find a ray of happiness at this Christmas time. But the United Nations poll of 156 nations reveals that Finland was named the most happiest country. Of course this is after the Trump/Putin famous meeting in July in Helsinki where the natives are "happy" it is over. In 1957 Peggy Lee did a song called "Happiness is just a thing called Joe." But the lyric brought forth tears rather than smiles. But for a current chuckle consider the new chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, commenting on the government stoppage "The ball's in the Dems corner." Every hoops fan knows you get trapped in the corner. He meant to say "The ball's in the Dems court." But then Mick is new in his job.
tjs

A Fair Shake

Dateline: Copenhagen Denmark - the government passed a law that all new citizens must shake hands at the naturalization ceremony. This recalled the time I and my colleagues were entertaining customers at Johnny Lattner's  restaurant in Chicago - a  large amphitheater type room. A group that called themselves The Turtle Society was having their meeting there and admitting new members. Their motto was that the Turtle was a clean minded amphibian and the first question asked of these applicants was "What does a man do standing up, that a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" If you didn't answer "Shaking hands" then you wouldn't be swimming with turtles. I must confess that our entire table failed the test. Good luck, Denmark.
tjs

Who's on First?

Abbott & Costello were talking about first base. The current occupant of the White House was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple as the comic says. But who comprise his "base"? Is it the disillusioned evangelicals? Coupled with the sheetless torchbearers? And the NRA gang infiltrated by Russia? Plus some regular folks who drank his Kool Ade. Pity these latter when they review their year end 401K statements. They are all being "debased!" His trade wars and inopportune tariffs have roiled the markets and a lot of good citizens are being hurt. Hopefully, as some of them regain their 20-20 view then he can forget 2020!
Robert Mueller - please hasten your report!
tjs

A War of Words

Re: The word of the year 2018. We had been "informed" by Dictionary.com that their word of the year was "misinformation". Now comes Oxford Dictionaries with "toxic" as its word. And sure enough, Merriam Webster chimes in with "justice" as in "obstruction of". So, even the dictionaries are quarreling and it being the Christmas Season one doesn't wish to hear "a discouraging word".
tjs

I Love a Piano

Cole Porter's piano, which sat in the lobby of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel after his death, is now being restored at the Steinway factory in Astoria, Queens. The man who presides over this procedure has 45 years with Steinway and his grandfather who was blind was a tuner there. Sound your A! The Waldorf is also having a face lift scheduled to reopen in 2021 primarily as condos. Porter did most of his work at night and had installed "acoustical mud" to deaden the sound of his piano in deference to his neighbors who included Herbert Hoover in the 1930s.
tjs

A Generational Thing

The NYT magazine writes that polls taken in the U.S. & U.K. indicate that 40% of adults sleep holding stuffed animals. Many admit even talking to them. Now we know what 2016 taught us about polls and I don't doubt that Brexit has made the Brits clutch anything warm & fuzzy. But I was a child of the great Depression and this practice passed me by. The Teddy Bear goes back to 1902 from a Roosevelt hunting trip but apparently is now out of favor. As an outlier I wonder what I will find under the Christmas tree.
tjs

A Tale of Two Cities

Tony Bennett sang "I left my heart in San Francisco..." but this heart left Sacramento destined Seattle on Southwest Airlines as "cargo" but they failed to deliver it to the waiting courier and the plane took off for Dallas. Ninety minutes later the plane turned around and arrived back within the time limits allowed i.e. "a heartbeat away". A medical doctor delayed by this exercise was quoted "Heart transplants aren't something you throw in a Walmart cooler and put on a plane. After apologies all around passengers were delayed five hours. (Note the heart in Southwest logo)
tjs

Do the Math

My landlord has advised an increase next year of $33. per month. But SSA has declared a COLA and I will be netting $64. per month. So I am keeping one step ahead of the landlord. I figure that there are at least four millenials out there supporting my habit. Seems unfair - but life is good.
tjs

Quote of the Week

Last week, prior to my Tariff Man rant, and with the Dow Jones sinking into the December darkness, I was yearning for some humor "tell me a joke, please!" We had just buried Bush 41 and that old cowhand Alan Simpson was doing a eulogy about the deceased sense of humor. "He never lost his sense of humor.......humor is the universal solvent against the abrasive elements of life." Wow! If that Priest, Rabbi and Minister walk into a bar they better not come out until they can tell us a joke.
tjs
(Above subject of Bret Stephens NYT oped 12/8/18)

Crossed Strings

Our music at Mass includes a marvelous violinist. Which brings to mind the following about the famous Fritz Kreisler who met a society matron who asked him to play for her ladies' garden club.
The date was open and he said my fee is one thousand dollars. The lady didn't blink but countered with conditions. She said "please be on time, use the servants' entrance and don't mingle with my guests." He replied "Madam, inasmuch as I will not be required to fraternize with your guests, then my fee will only be $500."
tjs

Tariff Man

With the Dow in the toilet and our 401Ks decimated, it brings one to scream for relief. Hence, let me vent:
-Promises made - a War on Trade - but China delayed - and with Kim he's played - loved Macron's parade - passed on Putin's raid - Saudi Prince evade - hand overplayed - get's an "F" grade - I feel betrayed - may his twittering fade - only one term I prayed. Amen.
tjs

Supply & Demand

Eighty-five years ago this week Prohibition was abolished after fourteen years of thirst. As eager imbibers rushed to the streets they found a shortage of product - bathtub gin was no longer acceptable. But the bootleggers and speakeasys saved the day and alcohol was flowing again. On the subject of bootleggers I had read that it was they in their souped up limousines escaping police chases that was the genesis of what is now NASCAR. Vroooom!
tjs

On the Hoof

We have all heard of banks that are too big to fail.
Now we have "herd" of an Australian steer that is too big to filet. Knickers is 6 foot 4 inches tall and don't let him near your china shop. Of course his name has different connotations in the British Empire. The fellow seems content roaming with his shorter cousins and apparently is safe from the slaughterhouse as he doesn't fit in the necessary farm equipment. So have a g'day, matey!
tjs

Quotes of the Week

"No good deed goes unpunished" - Harold O. Levy (dec).

Character is Destiny! - Greek Philosopher Heraclitus & Sen. John McCain.

"Read my lips - no new taxes! - Geo. H.W. Bush (Dec. 11/30/18) 

The truth never wavers. = NYTimes

Divisiveness sells - comity doesn't. - James Baker
tjs

Game, Set & Match

I was just reminded that Badminton is an Olympic sport as featured in the NYT yesterday. The little white "thing" struck with a racquet is called a "shuttlecock". It is made of 16 feathers plucked from the left wings of geese. A player offered that "trying to control these feathers just felt really weird." Now you can appreciate how Nancy Pelosi feels trying to corral all her "left wingers."
tjs

Word of the Year

Dictionary.com just announced the word of the year is "misinformation". This word has been with us for quite some time and did not just arrive with the internet. In the 1942 movie CASABLANCA, someone asked Bogart why he came to such a place. He replied that he came for the waters. When informed there was no water there he said "I was misinformed." What comes around goes around.
tjs

Thanks for Losing

As the college football season winds down, it is this time of year to recall an event taken place on November 28, 1942. Boston College and Holy Cross - both Jesuit institutions were Massachusetts rivals and Boston College Eagles were heavily favored to finish their season undefeated. Many of their fans and supporters had planned a victory party at a local night club. But Holy Cross pulled off an upset 55-12 and crushed the Eagles chances for the Sugar Bowl. More important, the victory party at the Cocoanut Grove nightclub was cancelled which was the night of the disastrous fire there which killed 400+ occupants. The players lives were spared and many of them went off to war.
tjs

All Alone

On Thanksgiving the NYTimes reprinted from 1978 comments from individuals on what they would do if alone on the holiday. One writer said he would walk in the woods. A woman critic said she would rack her brain(s) for a lonely, miserable person and ask if I could take him out to dinner. This was premature from my standpoint as eight years later when USL folded I found myself alone with a box lunch for Thanksgiving - lonely but not miserable. - and nary a drumstick in sight.
tjs

Begging your pardon

We will be spending Thanksgiving week in Cape May, a lovely town famous for its Bird Sanctuary where a few wild turkeys roam the streets - but this week they are in hiding. This is also the time when our Presidents would pardon Tom Turkey but the current one term apprentice leader might have a challenge on his hands. He, who has pardoned an Arizona sheriff and Scooter Libby, among others, might want to keep his distance from Big Tom. A male turkey, when excited, can attack with a six foot wingspan. On the other hand, he might say "You're FIRED!" - and consign Tom to the oven. Save me a drumstick!
tjs

There Goes the Block

In September the police broke up a prostitution ring in Brooklyn protected by seven police officers and run by sleazy landlords. Apparently, the street walkers have come inside. One of the charges is  "enterprise corruption". And one of the locations is in Park Slope, Mayor DeBlasio's former neighborhood which he still visits for his gym sessions.  Yesterday's snow created a slow news day. Sorry.
tjs

A Star is Reborn

You may recall last summer an irate and frustrated citizen took a pickax to Donald Trump's Star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Now his day of reckoning has arrived. The cost of repairs was $9400. plus probation, community labor and counseling. He said his action was a protest against the President and the G.O.P. It appeared he wanted to make California Bluer. This should draw the attention of the "Go fund me" folks.
tjs

Commuter Jargon

Commuters on the beleaguered New Jersey Transit are peppered with a variety of excuses for train delays. In the Autumn it can be slippery rails caused by steel wheels crushing leaves resulting in an oily residue affecting traction and braking. There is also an "ice patrol" that goes into the Hudson tunnels to break the icicles hanging from the overhead. Then there is the 108 year old swing bridge over the Hackensack River that occasionally gets stuck. Finally, they had been using the term "annulment" for a cancelled train which confused many. My commute had been in the other direction New York to New Jersey by road and GW bridge so I could not share those commuters' frustration.
tjs

Quotes of the Week

"Silence is God's first language. Everything else is a poor translation." - Rev. Thomas Keating, Trappist Monk.
(Rev. Keating's father Cletus Keating was a maritime lawyer and Corporate counsel for United States Lines in the glory days - )

If you like your steak, why wrap it in bacon? Anon.

"Revenge is best served cold" - Larry Sabato.

"We need more weed!" - Canadian marijuana retailer.
tjs

Riders Up!

Dateline - Churchill Downs,, Kentucky-
On the first Saturday in November, the Breeders Cup races were run. This is the end of the racing season for 2018. But a certain attendee must have thought it was the first Saturday in May when the Mint Juleps flow. A certain racing "fan", obviously imbued with the spirit of Old Grand Dad, was able to mount a horse in the paddock area, get thru the tunnel and was only reined in when he reached the track gate. Presumably this was a stable pony and not a thoroughbred as he didn't affect the mutuel betting. He was obviously interested in the improvement of the breed just as all racing fans are. Superb horsemanship!
tjs

The Port Chaplain

Father Tom W. came out of the Pennsylvania coal region and his first assignment was to an Italian parish in South Philadelphia. He was always impressed with their local customs of marching from funeral home to the church accompanied by a pick up band similar to what you find in New Orleans. He was soon transferred to another parish  near the waterfront and was assigned as Port Chaplain to minister to seamen and dockworkers still keeping his parish work.

  One snowy cold morning his phone rang at 3AM - a local young man announced that his father was sitting up in his favorite chair but seemed to be dead - could he please come over. The priest asked if the lad had notified their funeral director. He replied "I thought I would wait until daylight to do so." Father Tom then raised his voice - "You get on that phone and call your undertaker now or they will have to break your father in half with a sledge hammer." (Rigor mortis)
tjs

What Comes Around.

Carl Reiner, age 96, is urging us to vote. This comedian served in WWII in the signal Corps. They sent him to Georgetown for ten months to study French - then sent him to Hawaii. Fast forward thirty years - USL had an opening in LeHavre, France. Our Exec asked an intern if he studied  any French in school - the lad answered he had four years of Spanish. Exec said to get your ass over to Berlitz for a crash course in French. Two weeks later upon his return and no action he inquired about the billet. He was told that Carl N. was in jail in Jacksonville and he would have to replace him. Merci! I'm sure the French have a phrase for this.
tjs

A Man for no Reasons

While our citizens are dealing with real life tragedies, is that no reason to cancel a political rally? And while our one term President is agitating the crowd, he also takes time to criticize the manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers for his handling of his pitching staff. The Dodger boss was polite in reply but he might have said - Yes, we are losers and I know you don't tolerate losers so we will never be invited to the OVAL office while you occupy it. But why don't you handle the OVAL business and leave the ROUNDBALL stuff to me. Or - You are always welcome in our house and you can exchange your red MAGA cap for one in Dodger BLUE - that's BLUE as in BLUE WAVE!
tjs

MDC

Time flies! The Googler reminds me that I have reached 1600 postings - that's "1600" as in Pennsylvania Avenue! Realizing I can't hit a home run every time up keeps one humble. I thank you readers and sharers for your steadfast support. With Election Day only ten days away, I still recall my Ward Worker saying "Don't forget to pull that lever!" Amen.
tjs

Quotes of the Week

"Luck is the residue of design" - Branch Rickey former president of the Brooklyn Dodgers which phrase also applies to the modern Dodgers of Los Angeles.
"Kavanaugh, caravan, law & order and common sense" - Trump's latest motto for the midterms. Apparently his reference to "horseface" didn't catch on.
On Trump's withdrawal from a nuclear disarmament treaty with Russia - "a reckless decision and not the work of a great mind" - Mikhail S. Gorbachev.

tjs

I Love a Parade

Last July 14th - Bastille Day - Trump was in Paris for the festivities. (You remember, that was the time he complimented Macron's wife on her looks). The French do parades well - military precision and costumed cavalry with plumed helmets all in line. - with the horses hooves beating on the cobble stone "Rues". Upon arrival home our leader wanted his own parade on Veterans Day, November 11th. The Military weren't fond of the idea that Sherman tanks would rip up Pennsylvania Avenue and considering the expense the idea was shelved for the moment. In a few weeks, November 11th, France is planning another parade honoring the centennial of the end of WWI in 1918. Trump says he will be meeting Putin in Paris that day but we know he is coming for the "Parade". Coming home you can expect him to reactivate Teddy Roosevelt's cavalry - the Rough Riders - so brush up your horsemanship.
tjs

Pound for Pound

The Bank of England is planning to reissue some of their banknotes. A dour Winston Churchill is slated for the five pound note, probably disappointed that he didn't get a higher denomination. Jane Austen will be on the ten. They are asking for suggestions for the fifty pound note - some suggest Margaret Thatcher as you have to be deceased. But the fifty doesn't get much use. Some think it is mostly for money laundering which the Iron Lady would not tolerate. Years ago our cargo manifests were listed in Sterling - pence - shillings - pounds. And curiously, some goods of value were priced in guineas - i.e. twenty-one shillings. And two shillings six pence was called a half of a crown - a rather large coin for your purse.
But who wants to give a tuppence for the old days.
Hail Brittania!
tjs

Palace Intrigue

It was reported that Kelly and Bolton - a couple of Johns - had a shouting match outside the oval office. It is possible that Kelly was annoyed by Bolton's bushy mustache. This recalls the story of a young Winston Churchill who also sported a mustache. After a town hall meeting a woman approached him and said "I don't like your politics and I don't like your silly mustache." Churchill replied "Madam, it is unlikely that you should ever become familiar with either."
tjs

Quotes of the week

"When an old man dies, a library burns down." - An African proverb.

On Trump: "He lives in the eternal now - no history, no consequences." - Michael Gerson

A liberal is a man too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost

Ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself. - Ricky Nelson.
tjs

Thirst Alert

Due to future droughts and climate change, scientists believe that by the turn of the century we can expect a shortage in the barley crop causing the cost of beer to double in Ireland along with a 20% shortage in the U.S.  Should we drink up now? This is a serious subject for discussion at your local bar. Even Anheuser Busch has their Director of Agronomy looking at this. And as Robert Preston's Music Man sang."the sadder Budweiser girl for me."
tjs

Word Play

In watching the current baseball playoffs you will notice six men in black - the umpiring team - who try to be unobtrusive but still in position for the "call". Occasionally, one may be struck by a batted ball but it is rare to be hit by an errant throw - which occurred in a recent game. The ump perhaps was embarrassed, but to paraphrase our celebrity apprentice - "There were no contusions and no obstructions."
tjs

Heraldic Hijacking

Joseph M. Davies was a U.S. diplomat in the 1930s who was granted a family coat of arms by the British. Mr. Davies later married Marjorie Merriweather Post who built Mar a Lago and they displayed the family coat of arms at their estate. Donald Trump began using their family seal after he bought the estate and his company has since trademarked it and is using it in marketing their properties. But Trump changed one word - replacing "integritas" Latin for integrity with the word Trump. With the stroke of a pen integrity was banished.
tjs

Quotes of the week

This is a sad one - in connection with highway accident in upstate New York.
-"It is nothing but a fine line between a stretch limousine and a hearse."

Dateline - Sydney, NSW - The famous Sydney Opera House, a World Heritage site, is having its "tiled sails" used as a billboard to advertise a horse race, which has traditionalists upset. "It is akin to putting advertising onto the Statue of Liberty" "Even Donald Trump wouldn't get away with putting advertising onto the Lincoln Memorial, but its akin to that." Don't be too sure!
tjs

To: October

One evening in October, when I was far from sober - and lugging home a load with manly pride - why my feet began to stutter so I sat down in the gutter - and a pig came up and sat down by my side. I remarked that it's fair weather when good fellows get together til a lady passing by was heard to say "You can tell a man who boozes by the playmates that he chooses" and the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Anonymous.

Saddle Up!

Alaska Airlines has announced they are including miniature horses as service animals on board their flights. These minis can run up to 100 lbs and be two to three feet high. There are only two spaces that can handle them - the front seats in coach. There are no safety belts or saddles included.  While these seats are near the lavatory it is doubtful it could be of use. Exercising in the aisle might be considered "horsing around". The horses are sturdy, have longer life spans and can help with pushing or pulling or lifting. You don't have to rein them in.
tjs
(NYT 10/8/18)

The Week That Was

It was a tough week:
-My 401K took a hit - blame the Fed.
-Both the Dems and the Eagles lost close contests.
-Trump held another rally insulting women.
but on the bright side:
-My grandson will celebrate his first birthday this week.
-Flaming foliage - late but lovely.
-Election Day only 29 days away.
Stiff upper lip!
tjs

Judgement Day

The excitement about a Supreme Court nomination reminded me of a story once told but still topical today. Back in Philadelphia there was a prominent lawyer named Joseph S. Lord whose stellar reputation soon earned him a seat on the bench. To celebrate this elevation he invited several colleagues to a dinner at one of the watering holes on Locust Street. It was a long and liquid evening and as they waited for their taxis the host turned to his friends and said "I  have an acute sense of ambivalence - I'm not sure whether I am sober as a judge or drunk as a Lord."
tjs

All Rise.

The new Supreme Court term started yesterday, October 1st , and they did their best to keep the empty ninth chair out of sight. The first item on the docket concerned the fate of the dusky gopher frog that was facing extinction by the threat of "draining the swamp" literally in Mississippi and relocating them to a similar environment in Louisiana. The eight remaining jurists seemed to be handling the situation with deep discussion and not a "croak" was heard from Mitch McConnell.
tjs

DELIcacies

One time there were a dozen Jewish delis on the Lower East Side, now there is one - Russ & Daughters. The reason seems to be that no one wanted their kids in the business. The owner said his son practices medicine. "As far as I know I am the only Jewish father who was disappointed that his kid became a doctor. I was thinking sturgeon not surgeon." But the old timers I have watched slicing lox with a razor thin blade were as good as any surgeon. Cut, cut, cut as the old lady told them - now I'll take that one!
tjs

Empathy

Our leader's post hurricane visit to N.C. was more subdued versus his Puerto Rico experience. He complimented one homeowner as having gained a yacht that was leaning against his home. One man said "I named my dog after you!" Trump said "That's nice". Then he asked how were conditions in Lake Norman. (He has a golf course there.) Nothing changes ........except he did leave the Bounty at home.
tjs

Double Jeopardy

The NYT obituary writer, Margalit Fox,  must have come out of retirement to do the full page coverage of the "second" death of that hoaxer, Alan Abel, who had faked his earlier demise in 1980. His first prank was creating the Society for Indecency to naked animals or SINA which sought to clothe all naked animals that appear in public. The idea was spawned when he was tied up in traffic by a bull and a cow copulating in the middle of the road. Later he fooled Walter Cronkite with a slogan "a nude horse is a rude horse." He said his primary intent was to give people a kick in the intellect. He later created Yetta Bronstein, a Jewish grandmother from the Bronx, to run for President with the slogan "Vote for Yetta and things will get betta." But lest I spoil it for you, try to catch his full page obit - NYT  Tuesday September 18, 2018.
tjs

Primarily Political XXXVI

Senate Hearings: There was a time when the questioning of witnesses was handled almost exclusively by the Committee Counsel:
- Rudolf Halley was counsel to the Kefauver Committee in 1951 investigating organized crime and he handled most of the questioning, although Senators were free to speak as did Sen. Tobey when he challenged a witness to "be ye clean!"
-In 1952 Robert F. Kennedy was counsel to the McClellan Committee investigating corruption and he went after Jimmy Hoffa with a vengeance.  Of course this was in the early days of having cameras in the hearing room. In the current atmosphere it might be well for the eleven "R"men on the Judicial Committee to appoint a neutral questioner to avoid embarrassment. They are in a NO WIN situation.
tjs

Quotes of the week

This week marks the tenth anniversary of Lehman Bros. implosion which precipitated the great Recession - too many people extended with debt. Warren Buffett famously said "You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out."

This week marks the death of Adam Clymer, veteran journalist. On the campaign trail in 2000 he was the subject of a vulgarity from Geo. W. Bush who spoke into a live microphone unwittingly.The comment was seconded by Dick Cheney. Covering campaign candidates, Clymer said "If they all love you, you might as well just be driving a Good Humor truck."
tjs

United Nations

The United Nations Security Council presiding officer is shared on a rotation basis and this month is our turn. This means that Donald J. Trump will be presiding in the chair. There will surely be a debate over Iran. Do we realize the damage he can inflict with a gavel in his hand? Nikki Haley will have her hands full. The date is September 26th when the fireworks should take place. And the protesters need to move from Fifth Avenue over to the East Side. Mark your calendar.
tjs