Candid Camera

You veterans of black & white TV will recall the early reality show "Candid Camera" founded and produced by Allen Funt. The premise of the show was to pull a practical joke on an unsuspecting passerby such as having a voice emitting from a corner mailbox and then announce that they were on Candid Camera. After running for fifty plus years his son Peter is reviving the show with updated gimmicks i.e. an untanning machine. He feels that while we are not more gullible than the previous generations, we are more distracted by our multi-tasking and gadgetry so that we are less guarded. So if you are approached by a stranger asking for change for a dime, you probably are his next victim. Call it a Funt Stunt!
tjs

Yankee Legend

The legend I speak of is not Derek Jeter although his legacy is cemented in N.Y. Yankees lore. The late Bob Sheppard was the stadium voice of the Yankees for fifty-six years. His stylish elegant introductions were the only ones Jeter had ever heard at home games. His was known in the Bronx as "The Voice of God." Before Sheppard retired in 2007, Jeter went to him and asked if he would record his introduction which he did. From that time on when number two came to bat, the regular announcer stepped aside and they played Bob Sheppard's voice announcing "At shortstop, number two, Derek Jeter!" This was a perk afforded to the team captain and that distinctive voice will now be forever stilled.
tjs

Groundhog Day

If you are of a certain age you will recall the tongue-twister "How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood." I am also of an age where I check obituaries so I was saddened by the story in the New York Post of the demise of the Staten Island groundhog a week after the February 2nd festivities. "Chuck", the Staten Island Zoo's nominee, had bitten Mayor Bloomberg in 2009 and since the current Mayor DeBlasio was a novice to this weather forecasting, the zoo felt it was prudent to substitute the more docile "Charlotte" for "Chuck". So it was Charlotte who squirmed out of the mayor's grasp - he wearing those bulky gloves - and fell to the ground, fatally injuring her. This sad development was kept from the mayor until now and condolences have been offered all around. I am reminded of the reverse of an old baseball axiom "All hit, no glove." We should expect an experienced glove man on the scene for 2015.
tjs

  

September Song

.....'And the days grow short when you reach September" - somehow I feel sad when I hear old Walter Huston sing this. But I don't get the same feeling when I hear Jimmy Durante do it. The lyric reminds us all of our mortality as if the end is near. The flip side of that record might be "The sunny side of the street." So let's enjoy each day as it comes and hug your loved ones.
tjs

What Comes Around...

John D. Rockefeller founded The Standard Oil Co. in 1870 and he built his fortune in oil.  It is possible his philanthropy began when he walked the streets handing out dimes to needy people.
A few years after his death in 1937 the United Nations was envisioned and the possibility that it might be located in San Francisco drove his son John Jr. to purchase eighteen acres on the east side of Manhattan and donate the site to the United Nations where the worlds' nations are meeting this week. Now in an illustration of complete irony, the Rockefeller Trust, which was built on oil money is divesting itself of all investments in fossil fuels - this after 140+ years.
tjs

Salmon or Lox

On the same day last week, Scotland voted to remain in the U.K. and The Royal Golf Course at St. Andrews voted to admit women. To celebrate everything Scottish I purchased some sliced Scottish salmon to complement some cream cheese. In so doing I was reminded of the time Mrs. Rosenberg went into her Jewish deli and asked for a few slices of lox. The slicer using his scalpel-like blade began cutting a few slices and paused for her approval. She said "Cut -cut" so he sliced a few more and paused for her decision. Again she said "Cut, cut" and he sliced again. It was then she said "I'll take those two". She should have realized how sharp that blade was.
tjs

FALL IN

With the arrival of the Equinox we say farewell to Summer and welcome in our favorite season:
"Here's to our first parents, Adam & Eve - who wore fig leaves - and that's all - and here's to my favorite season, Autumn - when the leaves begin to fall!"
The air is crisp, Halloween material in all the stores - and the pumpkins are bigger than ever - should make for more pies. Life is good.
tjs

Topsy Turvy

What is wrong with this picture?

The sports pages are full of crime and scandal - but no sports.

For using obscene language in a campus facility an athlete is suspended for one half a game.

Citizens of Arizona in the desert are filling sand bags to keep the flood waters at bay.

Beating up on gays is NOT considered a hate crime in Pennsylvania.

But the good news is that Scotland voted to stay IN - Hail Brittania! - the United Kingdom is still intact - and they will continue to drive on the LEFT!
tjs

FORE!

It was a slow day at the office so my friend John thought he would steal away for a round of golf. He knew he was a "onesome" and that the golf pro would match him in a pairing. On arrival there was only one player waiting - an elderly chap. The starter said "you are it" and started them off. For the first three holes the old man held his own. On the next hole John's drive strayed and landed behind a pine tree obstructing his line to the green. While he was mulling over his options the old fellow finally spoke up - "Johnny, when I was your age I could clear that tree with a seven iron." John stared at him as he pulled out his seven. His swing was clean but his ball caught the top of the tree and fell into the rough. John was livid as he challenged the old boy - "I thought you said you could clear with a seven!"
He replied "But when I was your age that tree was only six feet tall."
tjs

Potpourri

The NYT on Sunday reported that the venerable Times of London began piping the song of manual typewriters into the newsroom in an attempt to inspire reporters to meet deadlines. The current keyboards are so silent and management wanted to increase the energy and enthusiasm in the workplace. Clack - clack - clack - Walter Winchell would have loved it.

While we were distracted by all the football scandal we failed to notice that a certain local baseball player was suspended for seven days - it seems his privates went public. Next time we will have to read the fine print on the ticket describing the team's privacy policy.

Has anyone else noticed that the men in the Cialis TV ads are getting younger? Is this a side effect of the product? This is only the writer's opinion as I have no contact with the modeling agency.
tjs

Angels of Mercy

Sunday being a lovely day and wanting to escape the football furor, we performed a corporal work of mercy and visited a relative in rehab at St. Joseph's Villa in Chestnut Hill. This modern eight story building houses retired nuns and others needing medical care. The Sisters of St. Joseph (SSJ) educated me in my formative years and I had three relatives in the order. Their grapevine was fantastic - you couldn't make a move that wasn't known to all in the convent. Our second grade teacher was Sister Paschal SSJ - all of twenty-one years of age and we seventy children to monitor - that meant 140 galoshes - and we all went home for lunch. She ended her days in that same Villa and probably is a candidate for sainthood.
tjs

Dixie Cup

The man in front of me at the checkout counter was purchasing miniature Haagen Daz ice cream cups. I had not seen them before. 3.6 ounces for $1.79. Their size and shape reminded me of the Dixie Cups of my childhood - made by Breyers - same content for a nickel. The inside lids had pictures of movie stars - Shirley Temple was popular as were cowboys Tom Mix and Tim Holt. With enough nickels collected from soda bottle deposits over a summer, one could become a collector. The Dixie Cup came with a small flat wooden spoon. The source was the corner store and before the advent of the Jack & Jill truck ringing his bell on a warm summer evening interrupting our chasing of fireflies and lighting "punk" to keep the mosquitoes at bay. The innocence of youth.
tjs

By the Numbers

Derek Jeter wears number 2 on his Yankee uniform jersey and it is the only single digit number still active for their team - all the others from 1 thru 9 have been retired as his surely will be when he retires after this season.
Golf great Arnold Palmer celebrated his 85th birthday this week two months ahead of me. He is a cancer survivor and on his first day back on the golf course, as he addressed his ball on the tee he said "It is better to be looking down at the grass than to be looking up at it."
In a few months I will turn 85 and if I really turned it would be 58 but that was a time that my employer had recently declared bankruptcy and I would not want to repeat that era. But number 58 is worn by the Phillies closing pitcher, whom my wife taught in high school in Jacksonville. Closing pitchers are noted for their eccentricities and this fellow refers to himself in the third person as "cinco ocho" - but my wife says she didn't teach him Spanish.
tjs

Recliner Rage

There has been much ado recently in the airline industry about the lack of knee room when the passenger in front of you decides to "recline" squishing your knees, your laptop and raising your blood pressure. An enterprising company is now selling gadgets called "knee defenders" which when attached to your tray arms will prevent the reclining but also potentially causing a "dust up" between the passengers involved as evidenced by several incidents resulting in the aircraft's being diverted and landing. The gadgets are priced at $21.95 per pair.

Some studies indicate that you have about thirty-one inches of legroom or possibly less depending on the plane's configuration. Now comes Ryan Air the short haul European carrier ordering 200 - 737 Max 200 from Boeing which they are calling a new "high density" game changer. Ryan expects to add eight more seats by jettisoning some of the galley.

Fortunately, most of Ryan's "legs" are short so if the passengers' legs are also short there should not be a problem. Enjoy the friendly skies.

tjs

High Speed Rail

The perennial Gov. Jerry Brown of California is campaigning for another term. One of his "to do" items is high speed rail service between San Francisco and Los Angeles - est. 381 miles if you drive it. Long before there was air shuttle, the train was the way to go. There is a story about a U.S. Navy Captain who caught the last train out of San Francisco at midnight without a minute to spare. When the conductor escorted him to his compartment they found it occupied by two women of a certain age. The train was fully booked and underway and the conductor was flummoxed until one of the ladies spoke up. She said we are all adults here and I'm sure we can work out an arrangement. The four striper then replied "Madam, I am an officer of the United States Navy and a gentleman, the arrangement that you are proposing is totally unacceptable to me. One of you must leave." Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!
tjs

Numerology

Amid the wringing of hands, the Governor of N.J. is convening a meeting to determine the future of Atlantic City which was at its zenith in the 1920s when my parents honeymooned there. But before there were casinos and lotteries there was the "numbers racket" which operated under the radar and thrived in the 1930s depression era (without radar) when for ten cents per day or sixty cents per week, the man in the street or the homemaker in her kitchen could find a little action. There were runners, drop off areas and other middlemen who siphoned off their "share" as odds of 999 to 1 melted down to 400 to 1 to the winner. But forty bucks in the 1930s was a bonanza. The three winning digits daily were the result of a mathematical exercise using the mutuel prices of horse races at a track to be determined by the boys in the back room. It all prompted a jingle of the time: "Now I lay me down to slumber, pray to God I hit the number - If I die before I wake - put a dime on 308!"
tjs

Scotland

Scotland is famous for - Golf - Whiskey - The Loch Ness Monster - Haggis - Bagpipes and Kilts. But in ten days those hardy folks up north will be voting on a referendum to separate from the United Kingdom. This is a REALLY BIG DEAL! And it appears the vote will be very close. Independence is being advocated by such as Sir Sean Connery with preservation of the union voiced by J.K. Rowling. So we have 007 pitted against Harry Potter. What has been together for 307 years is now threatened with dissolution.  And what of all the SIRS and DAMES? Will they have to return their peerages? The rippling effect will reach Parliament, global banking, currency, British naval bases in Scotland, etc. We may see a few olive branches offered in the next days. I was in Glasgow fifty years ago and it was conservative then.

I wonder what the late Sir Harry Lauder would say after singing:
"I belong to Glasgow, dear old Glasgow "toon" - but there's something the matter with Glasgow for it's going round and round. Now I'm only a simple old working man as anyone here can see - but when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday Glasgow belongs to me."
tjs

Zero Gravity

You may have missed the short article by Andrew Roth in the NYT the other day regarding five geckos launched into space by Russia for an experiment on sexual reproduction in near-zero gravity. Unfortunately, they were all found dead when their spacecraft returned to earth. It was not clear whether their demise was caused by their activity on board or a failure of life-support systems. In any event it is hoped that they had their travel insurance with that Geico Gecko. Curiously, a colony of fruit flies aboard the spacecraft survived the flight. Those hardy folks! I'm sure this wasn't lost on NASA.
tjs

New Jersey & You

This Pennsylvanian just returned from two idyllic weeks at the Jersey shore. Much happened in New Jersey during that time. Three casinos closed throwing 6000 employees out of work. The Revel, The Trump and the other one as Rick Perry might say. Anyway, it appears there will be a parade of blackjack dealers at the unemployment office saying "Hit me!" And the Guv is off to Mexico to polish up his foreign policy bona fides.
I can't get upset at the big fellow as he is doing yeoman work on the Garden State Parkway southern end which benefits beachcombers such as yours truly. But when he says that "If I were in the W.H. (to use the subjunctive mood) Putin would not mess with me!" - that reminds me of W saying that he looked into the Russian's eyes and saw his soul. Both headshakers!
But enough politics - school has reopened so drive safely as there are a lot of kiddies on the street corners waiting for buses.
tjs