The Hippocratic Oath

Currently there is a hue and cry for all political candidates to release their medical records to assure us they are alive and breathing. Donald Trump had his gastroenterologist dash off four paragraphs attesting to his good health which the good doctor wrote in five minutes with the limo waiting. It has been rumored that the medic has a motto "compassionate colonoscopy" which while alliterative not necessarily copyrighted. The last time I was up on the table I don't recall receiving any compassion just a feeling of emptiness.
tjs

The Blame Game

Donald Trump has a penchant for blaming the press for his travails. It brought to mind an old baseball story about two managers - Birdie Tebbetts and Bobby Bragan. Tebbetts was being fired by the Braves circa 1963 and Bragan was coming in to replace him and asked if he had any advice. Tebbetts said when he arrived he found two envelopes in his desk - No. 1 read "to be opened when the heat is on and the team is losing." Soon this came to pass and on opening the envelope the message inside read "Blame the press." This gave him some peace for a few months but soon it was time to check envelope No. 2 - the terse message inside read "prepare two new envelopes for your successor." Fame is fleeting!
tjs

The spice of life

Colonel Sanders had a secret recipe of herbs and spices for his KFC fried chicken which recipe was housed in a 770 pound safe encased in two feet of concrete and guarded by video cameras. But this list was also found in the back of an old scrapbook and revealed by his nephew to a reporter, so the word is out. It appears there are eleven herbs and spices and the critical one is white pepper. Now a bucket of KFC is one of Donald Trump's favorite fast foods and perhaps it is that white pepper that promotes the sharp burning comments emanating from his mouth.
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/26/dining/is-this-the-top-secret-kfc-recipe.html?_r=0

The Sporting Life

With the Olympics having ended some of you may be starved for sporting trivia and perhaps this will help fill the void:
- The Chicago White Sox current owners, a mortgage lender, is renaming their ball park "Guaranteed Rate Field" and their logo to appear all over the field is a red arrow pointing downward which is hardly a good omen. Anyway, it looks like the Cubs year.
-The PGA golfers are preparing for a Ryder Cup year. The New York Stock Exchange often invites celebrities to open the market and last Monday a prominent golfer rang the opening bell and accidentally broke the gavel. It appeared that his caddie had over clubbed him. Again, hardly a good omen.!
-Tomorrow, Saturday, they are running the Travers Stakes at Saratoga which celebrates the end of season at that lovely oval. Should be a good contest to crown the three year old champion of 2016. After which the town's prices will return to normal.
tjs

What a Crock!

Dateline - Northern Territory, Australia. On a slow news day the NYTimes reports from the town of Humpty Doo that four shirtless men broke into a school office after having hurled three crocodiles thru the plate glass window to scare off any occupants. A computer was stolen but the invaders escaped, however the crocs were detained as material witnesses. Anyway, have a g'day mate!
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/23/international-home/australia-humpty-doo-crocodiles.html?src=me&_r=0

Habla English?

New York City announced that no longer would a English test be required for aspiring taxi drivers which would then put them on equal footing with Uber drivers. Since most of the current drivers come from Bangladesh, perhaps we should study their tongue for the ease of communicating. I recall that when with a tour group in Rome staying in a second class hotel I wanted to take a bath and the chambermaid spoke no English and the best I could do was fall back on my altar boy Latin and say "lavabo - lavabo" until she gave me the key to the common room and a large towel. I grew up with Greek families and my playmates taught me their curse words phonetically but such linguistic ability would be no help when hailing a cab in New York. Thank goodness for Google Maps.
tjs

What's on your lawn?

Years ago, depending on your location, you might observe an occasional jockey or flamingo on your neighbor's lawn. But in residential New York City the most popular statuary was the Madonna or the Blessed Mother. A masonry dealer in Brooklyn used to sell 300 Blessed Mothers a month. As demographics changed this number is down to a trickle being replaced by elephants for the Indian population, lions for the Chinese and all kinds of Buddhas for many others. As the Blessed Mother's popularity diminishes she still has one thing going for her - on August 15th the feast of the Assumption - New York City's alternate side of the street parking regulation is suspended.
tjs

Hacking

Is nothing sacred? It seems that Russian hackers have penetrated our political arena but it shouldn't be surprising. In 1982 we were building a new U.S. Embassy in Moscow using Russian contractors and it was discovered they were planting listening devices in the walls. They had to halt construction which was 65% finished and we had to start over at a different site using American workers. Then I recalled how we confounded the Japanese during WWII by having Navajo Marines assigned as Code Talkers using their native tongue and the enemy never broke their code. Our electronic systems are so vulnerable - but we could always revert to carrier pigeons.
tjs

Branding

This is not about marking cattle. The several companies I worked for were meticulous about protecting their "brand" even to trademarking their logos, etc. The mantra was always "Don't do anything to damage the "brand". Then comes Volkswagen cheating on exhaust emissions causing heads to roll costing billions of dollars and seriously damaging their global "brand". Now we have Donald Trump using terms like "cheating" and "rigging" as he lays the groundwork for his potential loss. His reckless assault on our election process is damaging his "brand" which he has plastered on so many facades and this will affect his children for years to come.
tjs

Mondo Cane

I wasn't aware that BIG D stood for DOG. But I just read where there are 8700 loose dogs roaming the streets of South Dallas - Texas that is. But not all at one time. Some residents are carrying a big stick on their neighborhood walks and dog bites have increased 15% - not good for the tourist industry. And be careful where you walk. But if you are thinking of adoption you will have the pick of the litter. As they say around Washington, D.C. "If you need a friend, buy a dog."
tjs

The Alpha and Omega

The alphabet according to Donald Trump with apologies to Noah Webster:
A - Arrogant (alpha male)
B - Bombastic
C - Crass
D - Delusional
E - Ethically flawed
F - Fatuous
G - Greedy
H - Hyperbolic
I -  Impulsive
J - Jealous
K - Knee jerky
L - Lyin' Donald
M - Mendacious
N - Narcissistic
O - Obnoxious
P - Pompous
Q - Questionable Stability
R - Reckless
S - Stubborn
T - Thin Skinned
U - Uncompromising
V - Vindictive
W - Withholding Taxes
X - Xenophobic
Y - You gotta be kidding
Z - The Omega (End)
......and now you know your ABCs.
tjs

Man Bites Dog

Philadelphia sports fans have always got a bad name ever since they rained snowballs at Santa Claus in frustration during a losing Eagles game. Then there was the acid tongued Howard Cosell who got off his meds one night in the pressbox and showered the airlanes with criticism of our fans and our city. And it has always been acceptable to question a baseball umpire's eyesight. But the worm turned the other night when the home plate umpire ejected a Phillies fan for crossing the line using objectionable language. That has been a long time coming and we will have to live it down for the next fifty years.
tjs

Sin Tax

When I worked in New York late 1970s there was a big billboard on Times Square with Joe Camel blowing large smoke rings over Broadway with the Marlboro Man on another corner sitting tall in the saddle both leading our youth down Tobacco Road via Madison Avenue. Fast forward and now I read where the State of Pennsylvania is raising the cigarette tax so that a pack will nearly cost $7.00.....that's about a nickel a puff although a tamer addiction than others. My father smoked all his life - first Fatimas then Lucky Strikes - and he smoked in the home with the aroma filtering into our sleeping area which turned me off for life for which my lungs thank me every day.
tjs