Roman Holiday

 

Joe Biden visited with the Pope this week which prompts me to repeat the following post: A fellow was in the barber chair and told the barber he was planning a trip to Rome. there then ensued the following exchange:

B - Where do you plan to stay?

C - We are booked into the Excelsior Hotel.

B - It's overpriced and over rated - you won't like it. what else are you doing?

C - We plan to have dinner at Alfredo's famous restaurant.  B - That place is a tourist trap - you won't enjoy it.               C - And we have arranged to have an audience with the Pope.                                                                                   

B - You will be behind the ropes, you won't get near him.

Fast forward one month and C is back in the chair.

B - How was your trip?

C - Great - the Excelsior had flowers in our room and the concierge couldn't have been nicer. Alfredo himself greeted us and we had a private audience with the Pope.

B - I'm very impressed. What did the Holy Father say to you?

C - He asked me where did I get the lousy haircut. tjs

Climate change

 

 President Biden will be heading to Glasgow, Scotland in a few days for the U.N. Climate Conference. Whoever selected the time and place? Perhaps they wanted to observe the melting ice flows floating down from Greenland... ....Scotland in November? Joe will need his muffler, hat and gloves - and mask. (Mask rhymes with flask) which he might also carry in his hip pocket.

I was last in Glasgow in October 1964 compliments of USLines visiting the distillers and sampling their wares. That was when I switched from Canadian to Scotch. That's  when the barmaid asked "Want any ice, Yank?"

There was an old Scotsman entertainer, Sir Harry Lauder, who sang something like this: "I belong to Glasgow, dear old Glasgow Toon, but there's something the matter with Glasgow, for it's going round and round -- Now I'm just a poor old working man as anyone here can see - but when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday, GLASGOW BELONGS TO ME! Bon Voyage, Joe Biden. tjs

Ancestry

 

With $65. and a bit of saliva, I approached the Ancestry DNA folks to check on my family tree. The initial report indicated the following roots:

Ireland  - 77%

Scotland - 21%

Norway - 2%

This confirms that those Vikings left their fjords and planted some seeds in Erin. I am still sorting out the second and third cousins, but so far have not found any horse thieves in my background. This beats traipsing thru cemeteries in the rain. tjs

A Sellers Market

 

When we sold our co-op in Yonkers, N.Y. in 1985, the buyer insisted that we not remove the ceiling lights in the dining room, which we had no intention of doing. Fast forward a few decades and with the shortage of appliances, some sellers are "taking cabinets and kitchen appliances with them." A seller in upstate New York told her agent she wanted to take the toilet in the main bathroom. It was  a self-cleaning toilet that lights up and the lid automatically opens when you walk in the room. It was something that her recently deceased husband wanted. It became the talk of the "open house" and the home sold for well over the asking price making the seller a well flushed widow. (NYT 7.25.21) tjs

Oh, to be in England

 

Oh, to be in England.......wrote Robert Browning. But he was thinking of April while I'm thinking about tomorrow - Sunday, July 11th when the sporting worlds collide in London. We will have the Wimbledon men's final by day and the European Soccer Championship in the evening. So you can have your strawberries and clotted cream early and maybe a few pints at night. Expect Royalty to attend both events.

The soccer game between England & Italy starts at 3:00PM (EDT) or 8:00PM London time. Try to tune in early to hear their anthems as they hail "our" Queen. Expect 60,000 maskless fans packing Wembley Stadium with England having home field advantage.

To fill out the tri-fecta we have Richard Branson, a Londoner, rocketing into space tomorrow as Virgin Galactia. Though he may be in space I suspect he will hear the roar of the crowd from Wembley Stadium.

Should be a busy weekend. tjs

Sorry, Charlie!

 

The Sunday NYT reveals that someone in California has filed a class action suit against a large purveyor of sandwiches alleging there is no tuna fish in their tuna sandwiches. This comes as a shock to me as my daily luncheon menu includes a delicious home made tuna salad sandwich. While it is true that the "redder" tuna heads for the sushi restaurants, I don't feel they are treating me as a second class citizen i.e. "What am I , chopped liver?"

After all, Charlie the Tuna has been around for sixty years with his reputation "on the line". But I do insist on certain norms - drained in water - not oil. Similar to James Bond's insistence on - shake, don't stir! But please don't burn my toast! tjs 

A Whale of a time.

 In the Old Testament Book of Jonah it describes him being swallowed by a whale and he remains in the belly for three days until God released him. But today we have an item datelined Provincetown, Mass where a lobsterman while diving bumped into a humpback whale and found himself in the whale's mouth. He had breathing equipment and after twenty seconds the whale spit him out. Perhaps he wanted mayo on his lobster  or maybe the man's deodorant caused him to be rejected or expectorated - sort of like Charley the Tuna being nixed. Truth is stranger than fiction. tjs

Quotes of the week

 

Poor Anna Wintour of Conde Nast - fourteen years ago she was satirized by Meryl Streep in "The Devil wears Prada". This week her home has been picketed by protesters shouting "Bosses wear Prada - workers get nada!"

European soccer (football) is under pressure to squeeze eight months of activity into six. Their unwritten rule is not to mention the F word - in this case the word is "fatigue"

Re - Donald Trump - 'He is not the future, and Republicans need to stop fearing him." - Barbara Comstock (R) Virginia Republican and former member of Congress.

tjs

Marital Bliss

 

As June is the time for weddings, we recently noted a fashion item that mentioned Elizabeth Taylor's eight wedding dresses. They were all white (!) For economy one would think that some could be reused. But can you name all the grooms? There is no prize for this trivia but here they are: Hilton - Wilding - Todd - Fisher - Burton (twice) - Warner - and Fortensky  Just like a revolving door. And they lived happily ever after. tjs

Grin and Bear it.

 The State of California is planning a Gubernatorial recall election - the last one in 2003 attracted 135 candidates including Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ariana Huffington and Larry Flynt. This time our choices include a former pornographic film star, a 70 year old former model and Caitlyn Jenner - but the one featured in today's NYTimes is one John Cox who brings a pet Kodiak bear to his rallies. (Never mind that the real California deal is a grizzly) TAG is a nine year old half ton bear and very tame. He has appeared in several TV ads and in  series with Kevin Costner. TAG's behavior on the stump is usually impeccable - absent his offstage habits of flatulence and belching. The recall election isn't until the fall so Tad has to wear that brown fur coat all summer - what a bummer! tjs

The Pharmacist

 

 

In prohibition days he was the go to guy for spirits. Growing up in pre-WWII we called him a druggist. He sold us penny candy and accepted our empty bottles for a bit of change. I never knew how he could decipher the handwriting of the local doctors' Rxes.

During WWII I worked after school at a local pharmacy. I was a combination soda jerk, gofer and dishwasher. Scooping hard ice cream developed my wrist muscle but did nothing for my tennis game. The bright spot was I had to eat my mistakes.

My boss, the "Doc", owned a 1938 Buick and with gas rationing he had to stretch things. I recall he patched a gas tank leak using soft Fels naphtha soap. August 15, 1945 was V J Day - the end of the war in Asia. Doc refused to close up so we watched the neighbors parading banging their pots and pans.

Later in life I patronized a pharmacist in Jacksonville, Fl. He ran a small shop and competed with such as Walgreens. To help stay alive he opened a Post Office window. He once told me that when his VISA card was stolen, he did NOT report it as the thief was spending less that his wife.

All hail the friendly pharmacist who will soon be on the front line administering Covid vaccine to the populace!       tjs

Take a letter.

 

 

It is customary for the departing President to leave a letter for the incoming successor. Donald Trump confirmed that Obama left him a gracious note four years ago. This custom will not occur this year as apparently Trump's sharpie is out of ink.

I thought about baseball lore in the last century. Bobby Bragan and Birdie Tebbetts were playing musical chairs as baseball managers on short leashes. Mgr. #1 said when he first arrived he found two envelopes in his desk drawer. Letter #1 read "when things get tough and the heat is on "blame the press" - this will get you some breathing space." A few months later with the team in a deep losing streak with the management on his back it was time to open envelope #2 the contents of which read "It's time to prepare two new envelopes."

It does not appear that Joe Biden will find any envelopes in his desk drawer. tjs