Inauguration Day

I would like to pause today to witness and honor the inauguration of our President - the President of all the people - and offer a silent prayer as he guides our nation for the next four years.
tjs
Next - TBA

Penguins

The following submitted by a friend at Christmas. I cannot verify the accuracy or authenticity of same.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?
Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow - freeze a jolly good fellow." Then they kick him in the ice hole. But as we said above "always compassionate contact."
tjs
Next - Inauguration Day (Mon.)

Boola Boola

The earth shifted the other day. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke during a hearing for the first time in seven years. But witnesses say it was only to tell a joke - the butt of which was his alma mater Yale Law School. Picking on Yale reminded me of a story I wrote in my memoir "The Eagle Blue Chronicles". Circa 1960s my boss in Philadelphia was being kicked upstairs to the New York office and we gave him a departure dinner and I was assigned to introduce him to the assembly. I related how he first arrived in our industry by answering an ad in the newspaper which read something like the following: "Wanted! Young person, energetic, industrious and aggressive willing to learn and advance in an exciting industry. Applicant must be a Yale graduate or the equivalent."
My boss had gone to Princeton and replied as follows: "By the equivalent of a Yale grad do you mean two Harvard men or a Princeton man working part time?" When the laughter subsided - and since he was no longer my boss I added ..."Fred got the job and he's been working part time ever since."
tjs
(I like this story because it is transferable to any campus of your choice.)
Next -Penguins

All Politics Are Local

Last month, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the birth of Rep. Thomas "Tip" O'Neill, a group of newsmen/women who covered him gathered to share reminisces of the famous Speaker of the House. The discussion was filled with anecdotal humor. He once returned from a meeting and told an aide "You won't believe it but they're going to invade Canada." He meant Grenada! At the conclusion O'Neill's son told this story that his father always used to close an address.
It concerned Henry Ford who in 1922 visited Cork, Ireland the home of his forebears.  His visit coincided with the local effort to build a hospital. The locals asked Ford if he would like to make a donation on behalf of his parents and he sat down and made out a check for $5,000 which was a considerable sum back then. The next day the local paper headlined that Ford had donated $50,000.
They quickly apologized for the extra zero and said there would be a correction in the next day's edition. That would be embarrassing so Ford asked for the check back and tore it up. He then asked how much the total construction costs would be. They answered - $50,000. So he sat down and made out a check for $50,000 - held it up and said "There is one condition - I want the following phrase inscribed over the entrance  - I CAME AMONG YOU AND YOU TOOK ME IN."
tjs
Next - Boola, Boola!

New York Humor

As a devoted reader of NYTimes obituaries I noted the passing of Harvey Shapiro, poet and editor, on Jan. 7, 2013. I was not  familiar with his work but quote below a few snippets:

-Caught on a side street in heavy traffic, I said to the cabbie, I should have walked. He replied - I should have been a doctor.

-When can I get on the 11:33 I ask the guy in the information booth at the Atlantic Avenue station. When they open the doors, he says. I am home among my people.

-Who created you? Jacob J. Shapiro and Dorothy Cohen. They created me. Who will uncreate you? Impossible to predict just now but my money is on pastrami. (unquote)

One of my favorite humorists was S.J. Perelman, a New Yorker who followed some of the literary crowd to bucolic Bucks County, Pennsylvania. After six months down there he abruptly returned to Manhattan where a friend was surprised to find him walking the streets at night. S.J. explained he couldn't write in such unfamiliar territory as he found he had lost his "New York Idiom."
tjs
Next - All Politics Are Local

Privacy? Forget it!

Most of us are familiar with the type of questionaire we are required to fill out when visiting a medical facility for the first time. It can run for several pages and can ask some surprising questions.
Random samples might include: Do you suffer dizzy spells? do you smoke? Do you use alcohol? If yes, how often? But I just heard of a new "probing" question: Do you own a gun? This from a primary care general practitioner's clinic. I was waiting to see if they would ask: Is it loaded? and Is it with you? Perhaps they were worried about a potential dispute over fees. Or maybe their insurance carrier was losing sleep. Anyway the issue is topical so please check your sidearms at the door.

Re alcohol consumption, the late comedian Joe. E. Lewis was once asked how much did he drink - two glasses? a pint? He replied "A pint? I spill that much!"
tjs
Next - New York Humor

Potpourri XII

What's new? Well, I read where they are injecting yoga into prisons to keep the inmates calm. If Willie Sutton had this he would never have broken out all the time.

Some Presidents are football fans but not all. Calvin Coolidge thought the Chicago Bears were a circus act. You couldn't blame him as owner George Halas was known as the Papa Bear.

TSA has recently announced that airline passengers under the age of 12 and over 75 no longer will have to remove their shoes. Now they tell me just after I switched to velcro.

The American Dialect Society has declared "hashtag" as the word of the year edging out "fiscal cliff"
and "marriage equality" tho the latters were not hyphenated to qualify I would have thought. This gem amplified in NYT 1/8/13 by Jennifer Schuessler.

So, what else is new? Well, a new type of rustler has appeared on the scene in Colorado. Due to the severe drought the thieves are stealing bales of hay. Certainly not looking for the needle.
tjs
Next - TBA (Mon.)










tjs