A Game of Honor

Golf is known as a game of honor where you call penalties on yourself - so they say. With the Masters Tournament beginning this week I thought I would share with you the most recent golf story heard - although I must warn you it was told in the locker room. (I have sanitized the punchline) It concerns two friends - Frank and Ernest - playing a competitive round as a twosome with the usual bets on the line. They came to the 18th tee all tied  - Frank hit his drive down the middle - Ernie sliced his and landed in the woods. They both went to try to find Ernie's ball. After several futile minutes Ernie suggested that his friend play his second shot and if he (Ernie) couldn't locate his ball he would return to the tee and re-hit. Frank's approach landed on the green fifteen feet from the pin. Just then a ball came flying out of the woods and landed on the green five feet from the pin. Now Frank had a dilemma  - should he take the cheater's ball out of his pocket???
tjs

Ides of April

Next week, on April 15th,  is the traditional day for filing your income tax return - and if lucky receive a refund of monies Uncle Sam has been using. But it is also the time of a full moon eclipse - called a "blood moon" for its redness. We should see such a remarkable sight again in six months. The science people say the full coverage will occur in the eastern United States around 3AM on Tuesday April 15th - if you can stay awake that long.
tjs

April Madness

The Final Four semi-final games on Saturday night were well played and exciting. One was an upset confounding the talking head pundits and the other went down to the wire. So tonight we have a 7 and 8 seed playing for the championship which is quite unprecedented. Anyway i look forward to a good contest tonight. Your seat at the sports bar will be a better venue than being at the huge stadium. Don't miss it.
tjs

The Road to Nowhere

Have you seen the TV ad where the speedy driver in the sleek sedan arrives at checkpoints and destination seconds before the GPS lady's instruction? It's supposed to be an ad for automobiles. My only experience with GPS (Global Positioning System) was renting a car at the Philadelphia airport that was equipped with this marvel. The female voice was calm and deliberate until I deviated from her instructions and I could then detect a quicker pace to her voice as she tried vainly to get me back on her route. In this connection I read recently about the town of Agloe, New York purportedly to be in the Catskills at the intersection of Route 206 and Morton Hill Road just north of the town of Roscoe. However, Agloe is a fictitious community created by two map makers in the 1930s using an anagram of their initials. They placed it at the above location as a copyright trap. Sure enough ESSO included it in their road maps and later so did Rand McNally (since deleted in the 1990s) I can just hear the GPS lady demanding I declare an alternate destination.
tjs

Arrivederci Roma

A Pennsylvania delegation just returned from a visit to the Vatican where they invited Pope Francis to visit Philadelphia in September 2015.  This reminded me of another visitor to the Eternal City. This fellow visited his barber and excitedly told him of his forthcoming trip to Rome. The following exchange ensued:
B - Where are you staying?
F - The Excelsior Hotel.
B - It's overpriced and a ripoff - you won't like it. What else are you doing?
F - We are planning to dine at Alfredo's famous restaurant.
B - It's a tourist trap - you won't like it.
F - And we expect to have a private audience with the Pope.
B - You'll be behind the ropes - you won't get near him.
Fast forward a month and our fellow is back in the barber's chair.
B - Well, how was your trip?
F - Great - the Excelsior was first class with flowers in the room. And Alfredo himself tossed the pasta -AND we did get that private audience
 with the Pope.
B - I'm impressed - what did the Pope say to you?
F - He asked me where I got the lousy haircut.
tjs

Stranger Than Fiction

My friend, the late Leonard P. was a British naval officer in WWII and later was a deck officer with the Furness Bermuda Lines. After coming ashore he did some survey work but was essentially "on the beach" living in Connecticut near L.I. Sound awaiting his next move. One Sunday he was walking near the water and a small sailboat regatta was in progress - with single sailor at the helm. A squall came up and one unfortunate yatchman landed on the rocky shore. Leonard came to his assistance, took him home for a change of clothing and a dram of whisky. The subject of employment came up and the yatchman pulled from his damp wallet a business card reading WILLIAM B. RAND - PRESIDENT - UNITED STATES LINES (Who was then married to the daughter of the Chairman of the company) And that is how I came to know Leonard as a colleague. The moral here would seem to be "If you can't marry the chairman's daughter then try to save the CEO from drowning."
tjs
(Above excerpted from Eagle Blue No. 24 - April 6, 2006)

Make My Day

A conservative friend sent me an unsolicited message alleged to purport the musings of Clint Eastwood on the subject of death. It starts out - "As I enjoy my twilight years"........The guy is 83 years old - someone should tell him the twilight is dimming.  ......."the party must end"......"no more phone calls just to chat".......But he could always "chat" with that empty chair he dragged out at that political convention. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed his work on the silver screen and admired his work as Mayor of Carmel and part owner of Pebble Beach - but his caustic political comments have caused such admiration to dim with the "twilight."
tjs