The Eagles Nest

As an aging Philadelphia EAGLES fan who remembers Van Buren and Van Brocklin, I would like to share my frustration with you Bird fans out there.
-Our quarterback is a nice guy but I fear for his physical well being with 300 pounders pounding him.
-We have three running backs but no bruising fullback you need on those fourth and one downs.
-On third and six why do we throw a five yard pass when we need six yards?
-Our beady-eyed mumbling coach has no imagination on play calling. Just once risk a fake punt or similar trick play.
It all comes down to this Saturday which is Boxing Day so better lace up the gloves, boys and don't take a sabbatical which I am doing. See you in the New Year.
tjs

Twelve Days of Christmas

Those of you who are not tired of hearing the repetitive strains of this song might be interested to know that a financial institution keeps track of the aggregate cost of all the gifts mentioned - $34,130. which is basically unchanged from the previous year. On-line purchase will drive up these costs.
1 - Partridge $25. - Pear tree $190.
2 - Turtle doves $290. a/c higher grain cost
3 - French hens - pricing on demand
4 - Calling birds - pricing on demand
5 - Gold rings $750.
6 - Geese laying - pricing on demand
7 - Swans swimming $1875. each
8 - Maids milking $58. no wage increase
9 - Ladies dancing $7553. expensive!
10 -  Lords leaping $5509. slight increase
11 - Pipers piping $2635.
12 - Drummers drumming $2855.
13 - Ear plugs - FREE.
tjs

A Smoggy Day

The air pollution in some Chinese cities is so bad that some restaurants are assessing a "clean air fee" to offset their cost of air purifiers. To exploit the situation two Canadians have taken to bottle air from the Banff area of the Canadian Rockies and have found a demand in China. Their canister can contain 150 one second puffs and they have 4000 bottles on the way. Their idea grew from initial frantic bidding on EBay. The things we take for granted!
tjs

It's an ill wind...

With a rally almost every day Donald Trump seems to have no shortage of "wind" and as he is leading in all the polls he also has the "wind" at his back. But there is one type of wind that he finds "ill".
It is that expected from the wind farm to be constructed in the sea off Aberdeen, Scotland approximately 2.2 miles from Trump's newest International Golf Links. His latest objections have been denied by the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom. So the next time you play his links course allow for the head winds and play an extra club length.
tjs

It's on the Books

Britain's collective body of laws numbers over 44,000 and they are trying to prune the list some of which predates the Magna Carta. For instance, you cannot ride a horse while drunk - this applies to the rider. And you cannot beat a carpet in the street unless it can be classified as a doormat. But Parliament really put its collective feet down when they banned the wearing of suits of armor in its chambers. And, no Lancelot, they weren't jousting!
tjs

The King & I

Love me, love my dog! Thailand's strict laws make it a crime to insult the monarch. Apparently this law includes the Monarch's pets as some poor fellow found out when he "disparaged" the King's dog with a sarcastic comment on "social" media. The dog is humble and knows protocol as when to sit lower than the king. The subjects should be so intelligent. The Internet poster could receive a possible thirty-seven years in the clink but at a minimum an "attitude adjustment session" perhaps deprived of his password.
tjs

High on the Hog

My building super, age 61, has been driving a Harley Davidson cycle for a very long time. He has all the requisite gear i.e. helmet, boots, jacket, etc. But he was bragging about the heated gloves and vest all wired to the cycle's battery. This is fine for the driver but I thought about the poor female passenger hanging on for dear life. I guess she has to get her warmth by osmosis.
tjs

Never Assume

"You're an inelegant, impolite, arrogant man. That's why you'll never get to the presidency of the Republic." No, no - this was NOT directed at Donald Trump.  It was the comment of the Agriculture Minister of Brasil directed at a prominent senator from Sao Paulo for his perceived sexist remark. She followed her remark by throwing wine in his face. Well, they always said that politics isn't beanbag.
tjs

A Salute to Mariners

Today I salute one of my favorite ship captains - the late Archie Horka of Little Falls, N.J. Captain Horka commanded several U.S. Lines cargo vessels - all in the demanding North Atlantic trade routes. Above photo taken in 1964 when he was Master of the SS AMERICAN CRUSADER. In 1926 as an able bodied seaman he sailed around Cape Horn on a Clipper Ship to Australia. During WWII he was interned by the Japanese and I first met him post war when his vessel called at Philadelphia. After retirement he served as an expert witness in admiralty courts. A great guy happiest when at sea.
tjs

A Year of Mercy

All eyes were on Rome this week as Pope Francis opened the Holy Doors of St. Peter's Basilica declaring "A year of mercy". In doing so he intoned the ceremonial "Open unto me the gates of justice." Our parish pastor said the Pope would have also used the Latin word FIAT which translates to  "let it be done" which he compared to the NIKE motto "Just do it"
I didn't know our Augustinians were so hip!
tjs

Family Tree

Circa 1905 my paternal grandfather operated the Maurice River Ice & Coal Co. with one horse and wagon - an entrepreneur for the time. I never learned why he chose that name as he operated in Kensington, Philadelphia and the Maurice River was a tributary in New Jersey leading to Delaware Bay. My father worked with him until 1910 when Dad joined the Post Office and the younger brothers took over. If grandpop stopped at day's end for some sudsy liquid the horse - named John - knew the way home. My mother later made quilts from the horse blankets to keep us warm. Above photo is current view of the Maurice river (pronounced Morris to natives)
tjs

The Hesitant Penitent

A friend suggested I repeat the tale of the fellow who made a pilgrimage to the shrine of Ste. Anne de Baupre in Quebec. While there he was going up a steep stairs on his knees. Ahead of him was a woman doing the same and the hem of her dress was caught in the heel of her shoe. She asked her fellow pilgrim if he would loosen the entanglement and he replied "Not me, lady! It's for doing THAT that I'm doing THIS.
Mea maxima culpa!
tjs

Funny Punny II

The following submitted by a friend to brighten a gray December day:

The fattest Knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaska island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Two silkworms had a race  - it ended in a tie.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger - then it hit me!

The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.
tjs

Longevity

I used to read of the peasants in the steppes of Russia subsisting on goat yogurt and living past the century mark. Now there is a research team in Belgium claiming something similar as a side effect of Metformin - a popular drug prescribed for stage 2 diabetes. They estimate such dosage to enable user to live to 120 years. But do I really want to live that long? By the year 2050 we will be dodging those driverless cars, with oceans lapping at the doorstep, Social Security exhausted and Donald Trump's grandson in the White House. No thanks - I'll pass!
tjs

Not So EZPass

A family member rented an auto in Manhattan to drive to the Jersey Shore over Thanksgiving. She requested the vehicle be equipped with an EZ Pass for navigating the several toll booths enroute via Brooklyn-Staten Island - and the GSP. At the first barrier at the Brooklyn tunnel passage was denied as it seemed the EZ pass was in default. Short of cash she had to scramble to find an ATM with the $16.00 Verrazano Bridge toll looming ahead. So the entire holiday weekend was spent in the cash only lanes and the Holland Tunnel was a nightmare. Just one more question to ask the rental agent.
tjs

Primarily Political III

I wrote this four months ago. The premise is valid but the outcome may need to be tweaked.

Like many observers of the political scene I have my own theories of the G.O.P. nominating process. While some States' primaries are winner take all, many of the March 2016 primaries are "proportional" meaning that several candidates will come away with pockets of delegates, no one of which will have enough to put him/her over the top, thereby resulting in an old fashioned "brokered" convention minus the smoke filled rooms. I have two theories on the outcome:
No. 1 - After multiple ballots with no winner the elder statesmen in the back room will wheel out Mitt Romney to unite and save the party.
No. 2 - In a magnanimous gesture Donald Trump will offer his delegates to Ted Cruz which will put him over the top making Trump a kingmaker, a role more to his liking than having the headaches of the Presidency.
I am placing my theories in a mason jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch to be opened on July 18, 2016 when the fireworks begin in Cleveland.
tjs