Have You "herd"?

Republicans like to tout the elephant as their party symbol. But Sen. Jeff Flake (R) of Arizona was leading a fact finding group in Mozambique investigating wildlife

 poaching when a herd of elephants charged his vehicle forcing them to flee for their lives. The Senator later tweeted "These elephants have no respect for a fellow Republican!" After reading of these "bull" elephants attacking a sitting Senator I turned on the "R" debate only to watch a "bull-y" also attack a sitting Senator. Deja vu or whatever!
tjs

Let the Bidding Begin

The NYTimes yesterday wrote of the state of the Egyptian economy with President Sisi reciting a list of the economic woes. At one point he said he would put himself up for sale to help the economy. In short order a listing went up on Ebay for "a slightly used former field marshal" which quickly attracted six figure bids before Ebay took down the posting. Fortunately, our own economy is not in such dire straits that we have to put POTUS on the block but if necessary we could rent out the Lincoln bedroom.
tjs

The Fallen Warrior

My first and only attempt at elocution in high school was a recitation of Marc Antony's oration "I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him...........". Well, last week the pundits buried Jeb Bush but the NYTimes praised him for his decency, civility and humanity - he was just the wrong man for the season. The Times also itemized how his supporters could spend $130 million in a losing cause:
-Advertising ..............$84 million.
-Consultants...............$10 million.
-Branding...................$88,387
-Clubbing/Fund raising $94,100
-Valet parking.............$15,800
-People/staff................$8.3 million
-**** Hotels................$48,544
-Pizza...........................$4,837.
So a lot of folks milked this cash cow before the barn door closed. In the film "Bridge on the River Kwai" in the last scene a British medical officer says one word "Madness!"
tjs

Primarily Political X

Donald J. Trump prides himself on being self funding and his expenses for the month of January have just come in:
-Hair pomade...................$50.
-Sheep's clothing .............$200.
-Extra long ties from Macy's....$100.
-Hand wipes......................$ 30.
-Spanish lessons (Rosetta Stone)....$150.
-Diction lessons to smooth the Rs...$200.
-Attitudinal adjustment (N.Y. Values)$300.
-Altoid mints to sweeten the tongue..$20.
-Concealed weapons permit..............$100.
-Lip balm...........................................$ 20.
-Jet fuel..........................................$10,000.

Yes, he really is self funded. On to Super Tuesday!
tjs

The "male" must go through!

The following inscription can be found on the General Post Office in New York City: "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." They didn't seem to anticipate a barrier from turkeys. There are approx. 25,000 turkeys in New Jersey and last week five of them surrounded a letter carrier and forced him to remain in his truck until the police arrived to free him. The State Agency chalked it up to premature Spring fever on the part of "crazy jakes"i.e. teenage males. You might say the TOM TOMS were beating in the wilds of New Jersey.
tjs

Primarily Political IX

Compare the following statements:

"How many divisions does the Pope have?"- Joseph Stalin

"When ISIS attacks the Vatican the Pope will wish that I was President!" -Donald Trump.

In the financial world Carl Icahn
 Enterprises was down 11% last Friday. You may recall Icahn is the financial wizard that Donald Trump will bring on board to handle China. Don't drop any, Carl! (In fairness, Mr. Icahn, age 79, has indicated "No way" is he interested in any cabinet post in a Trump administration.

Sorry no humor to start the week.
tjs

Up in Central Park

There are approx. 26,000 trees in Central Park, each one affixed with a small metal plate each containing a four digit number. The first two digits indicate the street nearest and the last two digits reflect which side you are near i.e. even number = east side and odd number = west side. This provoked the quip "all the odd people live on the west side." You cruise travelers will recall that "even numbers on the port side" apply to lifeboats and staterooms so that when you are staggering back from that midnight buffet you can tell whether you are walking towards the bow or the stern.
(The rule of thumb = EVEN - PORT and LEFT all have four letters.)
tjs

A Dog's Life

Who let the dogs out? Some political observers would have you think our country has gone to the dogs......and this week they might be right. The Westminster Dog Show just ended with the champion being a German Shorthaired Pointer. At the same time Hillary Clinton is seeking a dog who barks every time the GOP tells a lie. But pointers are noted for identifying their prey not barking at them. Perhaps she should seek out a high strung poodle for her purpose. Good dog, good dog - never great dog!
tjs

Primarily Political VIII

Be careful what you wish for! The Dems are caucusing in Nevada this Saturday and the brothel workers at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch have endorsed Hillary Clinton. Their motto is "Hookers for Hillary". It's all very legal. One would hope their employer will give them time off to vote.
(That's RANCH not RAUNCH)
tjs

Stickball, Anyone?

A write up on the late Antonin Scalia reads that as a youth he played stickball in the streets of Elmhurst, Queens using a broomstick and that pink hollow rubber ball called a "spaldeen". We kids growing up in Philadelphia in the 1940s had our own version of the game. We shortened the playing field to avoid auto traffic by cutting the ball in half with a razor blade and the "halfball" floated up to the manhole plate and required precise timing to hit it. But we never let Spalding know we were defacing their equipment.
tjs

A Fine Line

A Labor Law Professor was discussing cursing in the workplace and said it depends on the situation. Employee conduct that includes swearing may be vulgar, profane and offensive and still remain protected under the National Labor Relations Act. However, if the conduct may be so egregious, dishonest, threatening, violent or insubordinate it may exceed the protection of labor law. So think twice before you sound off so you don't cross that "fine line."
tjs

Primarily Political VII

-In East India a wild elephant rampaged through the town crushing automobiles and bikes in its FRUSTRATION in trying to return to its natural habitat. It was later TRANQUILIZED and returned to the forest. In the recent "Live free or die state!"primary, 100,000 citizens voted for Donald Trump. One might assume they were frustrated but hopefully not tranquilized.
-Lincoln's maxim in politics included the phrase "You can fool some of the people all of the time............"
tjs

Are there any news?

In the event you missed any of this:
- Date line London - In 1530 Henry VIII married his mistress - with whom he was besotted and whom he later beheaded.
-Dubai - The Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates created a new post "Minister of State for Happiness."
-In a copyright lawsuit a judge has ruled that the song "Happy Birthday to You" is part of the public domain so you can continue to sing it without fear of a lawsuit.
tjs

Lunar New Year

To celebrate the year of the monkey with the quotes of the week:
-Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it. - Confucius
-Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. - Ted Cruz quoting scripture.
-You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out. - Warren Buffett
-I'm doing this for the first time. I'M LIKE A ROOKIE!. - Donald Trump after losing in Iowa.
tjs

It's an ill wind.......

In the aftermath of North Korea's recent atomic test, the propaganda war has accelerated between North and South. The South has resumed the blaring of loud music on amplifiers aimed across the border. The North has taken to floating large balloons southward containing leaflets, trash and cigarette butts. That's O.K. if the wind is at your back. In a more innocent world this would be akin to schoolyard taunting i.e. "Your mother wears army shoes!" But this is all I can offer in a slow news day between debates.
tjs

East Side, West Side.

East is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet. -Rudyard Kipling. Of course he wasn't aware that Central Park separates the denizens of Manhattan from each other. Anyone familiar with the scene will agree there is a difference in lifestyle. Now we read where scientists are spending time in the NYC subways wiping and scraping and looking into the DNA of bedbugs. And, lo, they have discovered a "difference" in the DNA between east side stations and those catering to the west side. And when they finish this study they are going to turn their attention to cockroaches which have been with us for eons.
tjs

Unemployment

The unemployment rate in Myanmar (formerly Burma) has risen to 40% - but that's for the working logging elephants - not the people. Shrinking forests have helped create this unemployment crisis with hundreds of elephants thrown out of work. An adult pachyderm weighs 10,000 pounds and eats 400 pounds of food a day.
The British colonials set up a labor code for these animals: eight hour work days, five day weeks, retirement at 55, mandatory maternity leave, summer vacations and good medical care. We should have it so good.
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/31/world/asia/myanmar-logging-elephants-unemployment.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=photo-spot-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news

Groundhog Day 2016

Another year and Punxsutawney Phil is asked to predict the weather for the next six weeks. Some fear he is losing his touch as one remarked that you could achieve the same results by flipping a coin. It may well be that he is feeling the effects of being dropped by the mayor of New York in 2014. If he sees his shadow today we may be in for it. Be kind to your fine furry friends.
tjs

Potpourri 2016 IV

The Fiat used by Pope Francis during his Philadelphia visit was auctioned off last week -winning bid $82,000 by a local car dealer. The sponsors always thought that someone would want to own the vehicle where "Francis' Fanny" sat.

Donald Trump had his whole family in Iowa last week. His two older sons invited the press to accompany them on a pheasant hunt decked out in their orange vests. Eric Trump bagged three birds with three shots - a lot better than Dick Cheney ever did.

NYTimes Sun. indicates that Medical Research is tying schizophrenia to excessive house cleaning by the maturing brain. But this certainly doesn't apply to me.
tjs