Gnashing of Teeth VII

                                                               THE SWEETBREAD


That sweetbread gazing up at me - is not what it purports to be -

Says Webster in one paragraph - it is the pancreas of a calf.

Since it is neither sweet nor bread - I think I'll take a bun instead.

tjs

Next - Another year (Mon.)

The Perfect Wife

Last Sunday's edition of the NY Times magazine included an interview with Sen. Joe Lieberman in which he displayed a sense of humor I didn't know he possessed. It recalled a bit of humor submitted by an anonymous contributor which (paraphrasing) went as follows: In seeking a woman to become your spouse or significant companion, look for the following attributes:
-She must have a great personality.
-She must be a gourmet cook.
-She must be a good dancer.
-And she must be good in bed.

The only downside to this is you can never let these four women meet each other.
tjs
Next - Gnashing of Teeth VII

Election Lore (Special Edition)

USA Today reminds us of the old political adage that Republicans pray for rain on Presidential Election Days. Political scientists have studied that for every inch of rain the "R" turnout gains 2.5% so you might say it is a type of "natural" voter suppression. Baseball fans of a certain age may recall the 1948 Boston Braves with their two pitching aces - Warren Spahn and Johnny Sain - who propelled their team in its pennant drive. The slogan back then was "Spahn & Sain and pray for rain."
For with off days and rain days these two kept rotating to go 8-0 in a winning effort.

It is said that both parties have their lawyers in place particularly in the decisive swing states. Ever since the fiasco in Florida in 2000 there has been more attention paid to voter fraud, absentee ballots and other challenges resulting in a spurt of voter connected lawsuits. Jimmy Carter goes overseas to monitor the fairness of elections while back home we need to lay on a battery of lawyers.

"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated." Will Rogers while twirling his lariat.

Wait a minute! I'm confused! Am I RED or am I BLUE? ....As Marrying Sam used to say to Lil Abner - "It's Confusin but amusin!" Or as confused as the Irishman who wrote the lyrics "Me father, he is ORANGE and me mother, she is GREEN." But every time I raise the Stars & Stripes on the flagpole - and leave it billow in the sun and wind - the RED and BLUE fade a little and I think of it more as a "blend". So may we scrap the "con" - and keep the "fusion".

As the old time boxing referees used to say "May the better man emerge triumphant!"
tjs

Election Day

Today November 6, 2012 is expected to be a historic Election Day. My namesake is on the Pennsylvania ballot - if he is elected I will have six more years of celebrity but if he is defeated and becomes a has-been then the baristas at Starbucks will ignore me. Fame is fleeting. My wife worked the phone bank at her party's local headquarters and only suffered one rejection which bodes well. In south Florida they are having eight hour lines and people's cars being towed by the local meanies. I was in Florida for the 2000 hanging chad fiasco and would hate to experience anything like that again. Anyway, please exercise your franchise and as we used to say in the 49th Ward  "Don't forget to pull that lever."
tjs
Next - Election Lore

Our Feathered Friends

The NY Times Friday November 2nd by Alan Cowell - a fascinating story about the use of carrier pigeons during wartime. A homeowner in Surrey, England circa 1980 while redoing his chimney found the remains of a carrier pigeon with a scarlet capsule attached to its leg. Inside the capsule was a coded message which was sent to British decoders who have not commented so far. The finding was on the route between Normandy, France and Field Marshal Montgomery's headquarters. The tale speaks to animal heroism - the British award the Dickin Medal, the highest decoration for animal bravery which has been awarded to 64 feathered, furry or four legged creatures - including 32 pigeons - since 1943 making birds the bravest of the brave. So if ever a pigeon's cooings or droppings should irritate you, bear in mind that his ancestor may have been a war hero.
tjs
Next -Election Day

Gnashing of Teeth VI

                                                                  THE SHAD

I'm sure that Europe never had - a fish as tasty as the Shad.

Some people greet the Shad with groans - complaining of its countless bones.

I claim the bones teach table poise - and separate the men from boys.

The Shad must be dissected subtle-ly - besides, the roe is boneless, utterly.

tjs
PS - Some years ago we lived in Westchester County N.Y. on the banks of the Hudson River. One spring day I noticed a silver stripe down the middle of the river. Upon closer inspection it was the "shad run" - hundreds of fish jumping and heading upstream to spawn north of the Tappan Zee Bridge. It was a remarkable sight.
Next - TBA (Mon.)

O-H-I-O

This year's presidential election is expected to be the tightest since Gore-Bush. I keep reading that OHIO with its 18 electoral votes may be the deciding factor. I visited there once - in Cincinnati - which is in the south bordering Kentucky and quite different from Cleveland in the north on Lake Erie. So the good Buckeye folks hold our fate in their hands - and votes. In 1952 I recall visiting Sen. Robert Taft's campaign headquarters in the Benjamin Franklin Hotel in Philadelphia. He had a band playing the Ohio State fight song and the place was lively - but he was up against Dwight D. Eisenhower  - and had no chance at the brass ring. There was a song written about OHIO from the show "Wonderful Town" with lyrics by Comden & Green. The last lines go "Why-oh, why-oh, did I ever leave Ohio - maybe I'd better go home." I loved the rendition by Doris Day at a very slow tempo. - which is available on the Internet. And if you are a real Buckeye fan you can send the music as a ringtone to your cellphone. So we will hold our collective breaths until the polls close in O-H-I-O - and expect we will be back on Standard Time by then.
tjs
Next - TBA