Answer the Bell

A boyhood friend of mine was a young priest/curate stationed in a blue-collar parish in a town near Marcus Hook, Pa. on the Delaware River. One afternoon his doorbell rang and when he answered he found a man who said "My wife's in the car and I would like to talk to a priest." Fr. Joe said "Invite your wife in and we can talk in private in my office." The man said "You don't understand, my wife's in the TRUNK of the car." Apparently he had been driving around aimlessly until he spotted the cross on the rectory and rang the bell. Fortunately, the old pastor was in the house who took over the scene and the newspapers next day quoted him and not my young priest friend. Fr. Joe had paid his dues in the confessional and had even done a stint as chaplain in the criminal ward of a local hospital, but nothing they taught him in the seminary prepared him for that day his doorbell rang. I again recalled Bogart's line from Casablanca - "Of all the gin mills in the world, she had to come into mine!"
tjs
(Excerpted from Eagle Blue Vol. 4 No. 3  April 20, 2007)

Punny or Funny - Again

Some of you know how I appreciate Puns so I dare to repeat this one:
Thieves broke into the Louvre Museum in Paris undetected, stealing several masterpieces and escaped in an unmarked vehicle. Several kilometers down the road they ran out of petrol and were apprehended. The gendarmes were surprised that having planned their escapade so well that they would have overlooked such a detail as fuel. The chief thief explained - "Monsieur, you see we did not have the MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH!" And I have the DEGAULLE to repeat that story!
tjs

Post Mortem

It seemed like the recent Winter Olympics would never end.  The time difference had most of the activity on tape. I am sorry I missed the Curling events. NBC had their A team and B team there and went for the ratings.  They promoted the closing ceremonies for 8PM Eastern but a viewer tuning in was treated to a lengthy revival of the twenty year old imbroglio of Kerrigan versus Harding on ice. Was this the best they could offer with the multi-million Sunday night audience in their hands? The host suffered from "pink eye" while this viewer was just "seeing red". As closings go, I'm glad I did not miss the final episode of Downton Abbey. I think the late Andy Rooney might agree.
tjs

Winter Shortages

With the volume of snow we have seen this season, some communities have found themselves short on road salt. But in Philadelphia there has been a shortage of "sleds".  The "Flexible Flyer" - which was patented in this area in 1889 was later known as "The Cadillac of Sleds" and those of us growing up in the 1930s begged for one at Christmas.  They came in several sizes and the back runners curved up to avoid being impaled. You could sit and steer with your feet on the handle bar or "bellyflop" prone and steer with your hands. With light vehicular traffic back then we often rode our sleds in the streets that were hilly which was dangerous in the minimal daylight of winter. At a cost of $15. then. they now start at around $80. But, alas, today most are made in China.
tjs 

Optimism

Optimist Clubs are service organizations dedicated to bringing out the best in kids. In South Pacific nurse Nellie Forbush called herself a "cockeyed optimist" with appropriate lyrics. A White House economic guru spoke of "cautious optimism". And the columnist Tom Friedman on CSPAN described a meeting with an Israeli general who said he (TF) was an optimist because of his short stature he could only see the glass half full. But these incidents are rare as optimism is being squeezed by pessimism, pragmatism, realism, tarty tweets and snarky snippets of cynicism. There is hope - March 20 is the first day of Spring. I am optimistic and counting the days.
tjs

The Jersey Shore

How many of you red-blooded males know that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue for 2014 had their photo shoots done at the New Jersey shore resorts of Cape May, Wildwood and Seaside Heights? Their idea was to show how the beaches had recovered from storm Sandy. I have duly purchased my Cape May beach tag each year but I rarely visit the sand and surf anymore.  In light of such promotional activities as indicated above it appears that I will have to resume my beach combing.
Cape May - that Victorian resort that hosted such as Henry Clay and 19th century presidents - will never be the same. For full disclosure, I was an original subscriber of Sports Illustrated's first edition fifty years ago long before they featured swim suits.
tjs
http://swimsuit.si.com/swimsuit/on-location/jersey-shore/videos/jersey-shore

Be Ye Clean!

"Be Ye Clean!" This was the chant yelled by Sen. Charles Tobey - circa 1953 - at a presumed gangster at the witness table during the Kefauver crime hearings. The phrase comes to mind as we learn that the Brasilian

anti - doping labs will not be up to speed for the FIFA World Cup to be held in mid-June this year. There will be thirty-two teams playing in twelve cities miles apart. This crisis means that the athletes' "samples" will be flown to labs in Switzerland - 5625 miles away - where the folks in white coats will be working 24/7 - and the teams already will be playing subsequent games. These "futball" players' numbers are dwarfed by the 12,000 Olympians who will descend on Rio De Janiero in 2016 so it is hoped that the "Cariocas" will have their act together by then. Of course, in a perfect world we would all respond to Sen. Tobey's admonishment.
tjs