Juno in January

Get lost, January - Adios, Enero - Adieu, Janvier! You're the cruel month - thirty-one days - dark mornings - Xmas bills rolling in - Tax Forms arriving - and the flu season returns. The recent storm that ravaged New England was designated JUNO - possibly from the song "It's June in January". Here's to February with its 28 days - frequent holidays - Carnival and brighter mornings - but watch out - here comes Punxsutawney Phil.
tjs

Ashes to Ashes

In the midst of a snow emergency we note the Sanitation Department's main weapon against street ice is Rock salt which loses its effectiveness below 24 Fah. If ice on sidewalks cannot be removed they recommend ashes, sawdust or cat litter. If you are cat-less and temporarily out of sawdust that leaves you only ashes. My family's row house, built in 1931, contained a coal burning heater and for many years our winter routine was to place "ashcans" of ashes by the curb for collection. By and by our family became the last house on the street still burning coal and all the neighbors loved our ashes. When we finally converted to gas heat we noted a distinct chill in the neighborhood. Be careful underfoot.
tjs

Mr. Cub

Ernie Banks, a star shortstop for eighteen years with the Chicago Cubs, who never made a playoff but it never dampened his enthusiasm for the game. Our current president, who was probably a White Sox fan, bestowed the Freedom Medal on Ernie in 2013. Not to take from Ernie's legacy but he was the pivot man in the double-play combination of Baker - Banks and Bilko. (To be distinguished from that Philadelphia jeweler Bailey, Banks and Biddle.) In a day when teams traveled by train they were returning from a game in Canada and had to pass thru Customs at the border. Steve Bilko was a hunk of a man- clever with his feet around the bag - but not too swift above the neck. When asked for his place of birth he wrote "Car 8 - lower" - you wouldn't want to make him climb to an upper. But he never got a statue as Ernie did outside Wrigley Field.
tjs

Freedom of Speech

Since the recent events in Paris the title subject has come to the forefront and foreign news has overshadowed some activity at home. The city of Boston has been nominated as our country's submission to hold the 2024 Summer Olympics. However, this news has not been embraced by a large segment of the local population. This has rankled their new mayor who has been in office all of seventeen days. He has signed an agreement that prohibits employees of the city from making negative comments about the Games or the process.
....no statements - written or oral - that reflect unfavorably upon, denigrate or disparage, or are detrimental to the reputation etc etc. Somehow I can't help but think his predecessor of twenty years would have handled the issue differently. Pretty soon we won't be able to boo the Red Sox.
tjs

Pigskins on Parade.

The opposition rebuttal to the State of the Union speech was given by the junior Senator from Iowa whose claim to fame was her ability to castrate hogs.
Ouch!
Elsewhere the Chicago Mercantile Exchange announced that hog bellies were down again.

And in the football world the National Football League is investigating the alleged under-inflating of pigskins.
And that's about it from the porcine community. Or as Porky Pig would say "That's all folks!"
tjs

The Algonquin Hotel

During the holidays we had a few neighbors in for Christmas cheer, one of whom was related to the former owners - for forty years - of the famous Algonquin Hotel on West 44th street. Aside from this being one of our favorite watering holes in Manhattan,  it was also the home of the Round Table frequented by writers, playwrights and genuine wits of the 1920s and where the New Yorker magazine was born. One such denizen was the playwright George S. Kaufman who also sat on panel shows of the 1950s TV. One contestant, a comedian who had written a book decided to challenge the master. It went like this:
CC - Did you enjoy my book?
GSK - Yes, I did.
CC - Who read it to you?
GSK - The same person who wrote it for you.
In Hollywood, Kaufman had worked with the Marx Brothers who drove him crazy. But he developed such affection for Groucho that he told him that he (Groucho) was the only one he would let ad lib with his script.
tjs

Grin & Bear It.

Last week we read of the two grizzly bears who arrived at the Central Park Zoo. But another bear arrived in New York under the radar - one Paddington Bear who stowed away from darkest Peru. Most children and many parents know about him - named for Paddington Station in London. The movie opened in New York to mixed reviews and the makers treated it with kid gloves due to the widespread affection for Paddington. This is illustrated by the rating - PG 13 - parents strongly cautioned. Ear wax is eaten, nose hair is plucked and a tranquilizer dart is deployed. I'm sure our kids have seen worse.
tjs

The Sporting Life

Ya gotta feel for the New York sports fan. He/she is overcharged, under appreciated, served mediocre fare and upon returning home thru traffic is prone to kick the dog. Both pro football teams have had losing records for several years, the Brooklyn Nets are for sale, Derek Jeter has retired and the hapless Knickerbockers lost fifteen games in a row. They then flew to London for a change in venue and proceeded to lose number sixteen. A six-thousand mile round trip - it must have been a long ride home.
But the English fans were more compassionate - very little booing - and no one wearing brown paper bags on their heads as can be seen at Madison Square Garden. The only solace may be found at the ice rink. As we used to say "I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out."
tjs

A Can of Corn

"A Can of Corn" is an old baseball term referring to a lazy pop fly easily catchable. But as Jack Paar used to say "I kid you not" on the following datelined Alabama via The Associated Press: A middle school principal wants to stockpile cans of corn and peas in classrooms for students to hurl at possible intruders as a last defense. "The canned food item could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive. "......the item will give the students a sense of empowerment..........and will make them feel secure." The schools superintendent said the request had generated much discussion in the community but few complaints. Are they all vegans? Of course, these twelve year olds will need time off for pitching practice. And with the Green Giant on your side you could feel invulnerable. Throw in a few limas and we could have succotash.
tjs.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/14/us/alabama-school-may-arm-students-with-canned-peas.html

Potpourri 2015-1

A statistical blogger alleges that 15% of all New York cab drivers have the first name Muhammad or variations of the spelling. It isn't often that cabbies introduce themselves to me so I wouldn't know. Just so they can navigate Times Square, keep their hands on the wheel and not their cellphone and silence the radio, I would be contented. If they ask me how to get to Carnegie Hall all bets are off.

N.J. Gov. Chris Christie has had a bad week. The Dallas Cowboys lost, Mercedes Benz is leaving for Georgia with 1000 jobs and he adopted a defensive crouch at the recent State of the State speech. Yesterday found him in South Carolina the home of the Appalachian Trail hiker. I doubt he was there for a workout but the "trail" does run thru three New Jersey Counties.

Police in Ohio have accused a bartender at a swank country club of trying to poison the Speaker of the House. I thought that his mid-winter "tone" came from a tanning salon but apparently someone has been spiking his bourbon. They can't beat him at the polls so they are trying to beat him at the bar.
tjs

Win Some - Lose Some

Recently we learned that the Humane Society in California were successful in forcing egg farmers to allow more room in the cages for the hens to flap their wings and strut. Flushed with success they were unable in keeping the ban on foie gras  off the menu. This delicacy is the result of force feeding geese and ducks for their enlarged livers. A Federal Judge has okay'd the practice. So for now it seems that the gourmands have won the battle of the fatted duck. Win some - lose some!
tjs

Mea Culpa!

A family member is planning to attend a Religious Retreat at a local venue. I am reminded of a penitent who visited the shrine of Ste. Anne de Beaupre near Quebec, Canada on a similar mission. Part of the ceremony involved going up a set of steps on one's knees in prayerful meditation. Halfway up his route was blocked by a woman also doing an act of penance. It seemed she had the hem of her skirt caught in the heel of her shoe and she asked him to assist with the entanglement. His reply was "Not me, lady! It's for doing that that I'm doing this!" Mea Culpa!
tjs

A Dog's Life

We live in a twenty unit apartment building whose lease prohibits pets although there are several dogs on the premises one of whom barks incessantly while the owner is away. I am reminded of the following which may have occurred in a Manhattan rental building: This fellow who worked nights slept days. His next door neighbor who worked days had a dog of unspecified breed. He noticed that when his phone rang it excited his canine who ran throughout the limited space and he devised a routine that every day at noon he would call his apt. - let it ring eight times knowing his dog would be getting his daily exercise. This gambit particularly annoyed neighbor No. 1 who thereupon approached the building super and on a pretext was admitted to his neighbor's domain. Precisely at noon the phone rang - after six rings he picked up the instrument and breathed heavily into it and replaced it on the cradle. The pet owner was dumbfounded and I would like to think they lived happily ever after. However, I think I will have a word with my super tomorrow.
tjs

Rooney Rant

I have just suffered thru my third Cialis ad in six hours. My mute is wearing out. Their ads seem to feature smiling couples and the models seem to be getting younger all the time - whatever that message is. Their major competitor - "V" exhibits rarely but only showing a sultry female - sans partner - seeming to lure one as does the Lorelei on the Rhine. The audience they are attempting to reach will all be watching the Super Bowl first weekend in February and expect them to duke it out there at $4 million per half minute. Lilly vs. Pfizer - yellow vs. blue - wait for the coin toss but let me control the remote.
tjs

Holy Cow!

Holy Cow! was the strongest expletive I ever heard from the mouth of Phil Rizzuto. I just read where our Government has lifted the ban on Irish beef which was put in place sixteen years ago due to an outbreak of Mad Cow disease in Europe. Back in the 1950s the U.S. Lines ships calling at Dublin regularly brought home tonnages of frozen Irish beef. Now the import cycle resumes. But won't this mean more beef on the market and maybe less "chikin" consumed? This would turn those advertising bovines into MAD COWS for sure.
tjs

The Perfect Word

I always promised that if I had nothing to say I would say it in as few words as possible. Many are the authors frozen with writer's block at the keyboard or typewriter searching for that perfect word or phrase. Dick Cavett attributes the following to Mark Twain: "The difference between the almost "right" word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning." In a contest for the perfect word or phrase I would submit the following: When prepping for a medical procedure requiring flushing I read the instructions on the bottle which included the following phrase: The urge to evacuate! What perfect use of the English language.
tjs

What Came First?

I hope you enjoyed your holiday Egg Nog. It appears that the price of eggs will rise in the new year. Californians are the largest of egg consumers and the Humane Society there has lobbied into law that hens must have more room in their cages to stretch and flap their wings. This will mean larger cages, fewer "layers" in each cage and requiring heaters to replace the cheek by jowl body heat exchanged between the hens. And think of the poor rooster with a diminished size of his harem - expect him to crow louder in the morning. Even egg producers in the mid-west supplying California are subject to this law and they are crying FOWL!
tjs