Abercrombie & Fitch

Tomorrow, April 1st, is known by many as All Fools Day - but not to my friend James C.  He knew it as Opening Day of the trout season. Jim was an avid sportsman and fly fisherman and he liked to hang out at that upscale sporting goods store - Abercrombie & Fitch - then located at 45th & Madison Ave. in Manhattan. All types of celebrities, movie stars, presidents, etc came thru their doors. They outfitted Charles Lindbergh before his famous flight in 1927. This was a twelve story building with a shooting range in the basement and a fly casting pool on the roof. Ted Williams, the Red Sox star, paid a visit when he was in town to play the Yankees as fishing was his first love. The store was special in its day but closed in 1977.
tjs

Gallows Humor

The Associated Press has some unsettling news from the State of Oklahoma. It seems the Okies have insufficient lethal drugs necessary to carry out an execution set for this week and a "quirk" in their law prevents the state from switching to electrocution or firing squad. Ouch! It seems a hanging option was not on the menu. The poor devil doesn't get a say in the matter. Of course, neither did the slave in the Roman Colosseum. On the other side of the ledger there was the patriot, Nathan Hale, who desired to be hanged twice. But it would appear that Oklahoma's demand exceeds supply resulting in a back-up on death row.
tjs

Wearin' of the Green

In all my years I cannot recall it ever snowing on St. Patrick's Day before. Luckily, we are well stocked with tea and soda bread - and with a Lenten dispensation. "Me wife" is preparing my favorite shepherds pie and we will put on the Clancy Brothers and dance a few reels. After all that soda bread it's "so to bed." So, after "wearin' of the green" we are wearying of winter.
tjs

Mona Lisa

During her seventeen years of Transatlantic service the S.S. UNITED STATES carried many notable passengers - Royalty, Presidents, celebrities and titans of industry - but none more important than the lady with the smile - Mona Lisa. The painting was on loan from the Louvre and appeared in museums in Washington, D.C. and New York City. In March 1963 it was time to go home and she sailed from New York to LeHavre in a first class cabin with bodyguards. Nat Cole sang about her charms. A correspondent was quoted as saying that many women leave Paris for New York and never return but this one had a round trip ticket.
tjs

Words of Wisdom

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. (Anon)

Never lend money to your brother-in-law. (Anon)

On wine: At our age (69), it's time to stop storing it and time to start drinking it. (Judith Rodin)

Close cover before striking.

Every good boy does fine - on the face of it.
tjs
(Blogger may be idle next week - recovering from St. Patrick's Day)

Men of the Cloth

I may have mentioned my priest friend, Fr. Tom W. who was designated Catholic Chaplain of the Port of Philadelphia circa 1950s/1960s. He was assigned to a waterfront parish and ministered to both seamen and longshoremen down on the docks. One of his extra-clerical duties was to act as arbiter for the Mummers String Band Division wherein they would all clear their themes with him to avoid duplication. When he wasn't otherwise occupied, he occasionally visited sick parishioners in the hospital. One such day he arrived at the hospital in full clerical garb with a full Roman collar. The elevators back then were manually operated and as his lift ascended the operator turned to him smiling and said "Reverend, I'se the same as you is except I works during the week."
I feel sure Fr. Tom blessed the man on the way out. Just two men of the cloth complimenting each other.
tjs

Advice to the Lovelorn

A certain shy fellow wished to improve his relations with the fair sex but was too embarrassed to ask for advice. He decided to visit his local library thinking he might find some pearls of wisdom on the shelves. Sure enough while browsing he came across a thick book whose binder read "How to Hug" - Eureka! Not wanting to call attention to himself he impulsively tucked his discovery inside his coat and exited the library. Upon arriving home and upon further examination, he found that he had pilfered the sixth volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica - "H-O-W to H-U-G". He would have been better off writing to Dear Abby.
tjs

JOHN 3:16

Last week there was an obituary for a Dr. Frank Jobe who was an orthopedist dealing with sports medicine and athletes' injuries. In 1974 a Dodger pitcher, Tommy John tore an elbow ligament and Dr. Jobe suggested a new and untested procedure - to transfer a tendon from the wrist to the elbow to act as a ligament. The operation was successful and Tommy John resumed his major league career for another fifteen years.
Many other athletes were benefited with this procedure in later years but it became known as "Tommy John Surgery." Which brings me to the title here - for several years we could observe a sports fan sitting in a front row holding a big sign reading JOHN 3:16 - he seems to have faded from the current scene. While we know that this is a spiritual reading from the New Testament, I jokingly described it as Tommy John's ERA (earned run average.)
tjs

Brevity, Brevity.

The folks who use "hashtags" tend to steer their message - sometimes tartly - using very few words. In the early and mid-twentieth century much communication was transacted using telex, teletype and wireless. All our vessel dispatches went via Western Union or RCA radio and we also tended to keep them terse. You see, Western Union had a pricing structure wherein ten words or less was one rate and the scale graduated for additional words.  My mother was in the work force circa 1915 and she had an eight block walk to her office in Kensington. One winter they had a severe blizzard and she was prevented from getting to work. But one brave fellow made it in and in a self serving manner he wanted to impress his superiors. The switchboard was down so there was no phone service. So our apple polishing friend sent the following telegram via Western Union to his boss "IN THOUGH SICK, FEW OTHERS HERE." Brevity, brevity!
tjs

DCCL

The Googler scorekeeper reminds me that this is my post number 750. Who would have thought that what started in October 2010 could lead to this flow of verbiage? I initially dedicated Fridays to humor i.e.:
Q - Why do they call the ulna the funny bone?
A - Because it borders on the humerus.
But now we take humor where we find it - sparingly.  So I will press on as long as my curiosity persists and my sense of humor exists, always with respect for the reader's time. So have a nice weekend - though an abbreviated one - as we advance our clocks. But watch out for the small creatures crossing the road in the dark mornings - nobody told them we were messing with the clocks again. I learned in Florida that armadillos don't move very fast.
tjs

Creative Writing

I attended a lecture forum last week and one of the presenters was a woman who taught creative writing at the college level and was now a writing coach. I engaged her afterwards and though I could not match her credentials, I did mention that I had written my memoirs of fifty-two years in the steamship industry and was self-published. She grew very serious and said I should determine where my copyright was. She went on - "Someone might like your stories of ships and film a movie with Tom Hanks and you would be left with nothing." And even now no royalties! And then I think of Marlon Brando's famous phrase from On The Waterfront - " I coulda been a contender!"
tjs

Gracie Mansion

Sharon Otterman has a lively article in Tuesday's NYTimes about the Gracie Mansion attic and its recent occupants. In the mid 1960s Mayor John Lindsay's wife created a playroom for their four children. Later, an apartment was created there for Ed Koch's chef who considered it much nicer than earlier quarters in the basement. During the Giuliani years his then wife used it for a workout area the noise of which awakened him at 5AM. The area was lightly used during Bloomberg's twelve years. The new mayor's wife has been quoted as saying - "There will not be a "servant" living there." This caused Ed Koch's former chef to wince. Ouch.
tjs
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/04/nyregion/in-gracie-mansions-attic-mayors-and-their-children-find-a-flexible-space.html?ref=nyregion

The Cola Wars

As kids - circa 1938/1939 - we hung around a corner grocery store that had a large Coca Cola cooler that required a cake of ice every few days. Its contents were primarily the six ounce green bottles of Coke plus some Hires root beer and assorted fruit flavored drinks. But no kid lucky enough to have a nickel from a bottle deposit was going to squander it on a six ounce drink. Enter this mix came a newcomer - Pepsi Cola - with an advertising program that included airplane sky-writers writing against a clear blue sky. They also composed this jingle for the airwaves:
-Pepsi Cola hits the spot - twelve full ounces - that's a lot - twice as much for a nickel too - Pepsi Cola is the drink for you.! Irresistible!
Fast forward a lifetime and during the Oscars, Pepsi introduced the Mini Can - 7.5 ounces and you can bet it cost more than a nickel. It might be the influence of Mayor Bloomberg but certainly an about face from my childhood.
tjs

Quotes of the Week

"Don't ever in your life do a World Cup and the Olympic Games at the same time." (Mayor of Rio de Janeiro)

"At night, after a few glasses of wine, you probably shouldn't get on your computer." (Rebekah Brooks former U.K. tabloid editor)

"Generosity is the decision to use your mind and reason as well as you can in each situation." (Descartes)

"Never suggest lunch with people you don't want to have lunch with."
(Pamela Druckerman)

"Of the seven deadly sins, only envy is no fun at all." (Joseph Epstein)

And this from Gov. Jerry Brown of California on the subject of marijuana; "How many people can get stoned and still have a great state or a great nation.........I think we have to stay alert - if not 24/7 - then more than some potheads might be able to put together."
tjs