Nuns on the Bus

Nuns on the Bus are coming to town this week which led me to recall the following heard from the pulpit recently:
It seemed the Mother Superior was beginning to feel her age and was having trouble getting off the starting blocks in the morning and her subordinates sought professional advice as to recommend a tonic or vitamin supplement. The first opinion was to provide a bit of alcoholic spirits in the morning but that was rejected as she would never touch the stuff. They were then asked if she drank milk and they replied "yes". So the second opinion was to put a shot of vodka in her milk which proved to be a marvelous tonic and she went on to several more productive years. Ultimately, age caught up with her and on her deathbed she was surrounded by her sisters who asked for her last wish and she replied in a whisper "Don't sell that cow."
tjs
Next -  The Eagle will be taking a vacation - flying down to the Jersey shore where Cape May has a famous bird sanctuary - to mingle with birds of a feather - recharge the batteries - and look for me in mid July.

Merchants & Merchandise

A new food emporium opened in our area recently - with lots of space - fourteen aisles - and the articles aligned as you would expect - the cookies and crackers together - coffee with tea, etc. They also know the consumer's buying habits. But one smaller market nearby was thinking outside the box. When I went seeking butter and eggs in the dairy department I was told that the eggs were over with the bacon.  They dared to separate the two. As the song goes "Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" - they are inseparable.  As a youth we were visited  by a door-to-door farmer/huckster we called a "butter and egg man" for the victuals he offered. Moreover, there was a Dixieland jazz standard titled "A Big butter and egg man" written in 1926 for Louis Armstrong.
How dare this merchant separate the two. As far as knowing all my buying habits, why do they keep asking "paper or plastic" - debit or credit? Anyway, I'll take my eggs poached, fried or scrambled - with a bit of butter in the pan.
tjs
Next - The Nuns on the Bus.

Agronomy

The greens keepers at Wimbledon have quite a challenge before them. The grass court tournament commences this week to last a fortnight. They need the grass to hold up for fourteen days - provide the right bounce and keep the baselines green throughout. And then, only three weeks later the Olympics begin with the grass required to be in tip-top shape all over again. It is quite a science to perform as expected. Meanwhile, back home in the colonies, the New York City Parks Department has the task of clearing several acres of Staten Island waterfront infested with a tough weed. Rather than engaging an agronomist as Wimbledon did they have elected to employ twenty goats hired from an upstate farmer to eliminate the problem growth.
The goats work cheap and have an insatiable appetite but their constant bleating can be unnerving. I can sympathize with the weeding problem as I had bamboo shoots in my garden that were prolific. I considered importing panda bears but they would be much more expensive than billy goats, I'm sure.
And as far as tennis goes, these days I would need two bounces.
tjs
Next - Merchants and Merchandise.

A Gotcha Moment

My first telephone had a dial on it - it was black - just like all Henry Ford's first Model Ts. My first television was a 12 inch black & white set - I still do not have a flat one. My first computer was a "dial up" with browser and mouse. You might call me an "old fogey". Since relocating to Pennsylvania I have now been updated with various bells and whistles which my "provider" describes as "bundling." Now after being induced or seduced the rules of engagement are being changed. My provider announced that henceforth all "disputes" will be handled through arbitration or small claims court. Somehow I cannot conceive of any dispute with my electronics provider that will land me in small claims court - perhaps with Judge Judy on the bench and me having to wear a tie and jacket. I'm sure that Andy Rooney would air his views on this if he were here. And I feel sure the FCC has more important things on their plate. Is it Catch 22 or just pure "gotcha"? Or more like "My way or the highway!" But excuse me, my iPhone is ringing.
tjs
Next - Agronomy

The Automat

Philadelphia is famous for Philly cheese steaks, cream cheese, pepper pot - and (if you don't inquire as to the ingredients) - Scrapple.  But 100 years ago Horn & Hardart opened the first Automat in Philadelphia that would alter lunchtime eating habits. The idea borrowed from Europe offered prepared food placed behind glass windowed compartments and obtained by placing nickels in slots.
A piece of pie was ten cents or two nickels. Coffee was dispensed from large "silver dolphin spigots" for a nickel. The idea quickly spread to New York with the first one opened in Times Square July 1912. At their peak the Automats and cafeterias were feeding 750,000 per day - until "fast food" came along and the last Automat closed in Manhattan in 1991.  Their cafeterias with their spotless hot tables were also popular and I "lost" a topcoat in one - but that is another story. The Automat is being recreated this month at New York's Public Library on Fifth Avenue for an exhibition on lunch. An interesting history is outlined in NYTimes 6/18/12 by Sam Roberts "City Room" column. My late father-in-law was employed by Horn & Hardart for many years so there has always been a special place in our family for the period involved.
tjs
Next -A Gotcha moment.
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/revisiting-the-era-of-automatic-dining/

Milestone

The Google scorekeeper tells me that this is my 400th published posting. And I am speechless! I always said that if I had nothing to say I would say it with as few words as possible. If you observe members of Congress during a hearing you will note the junior members sit at the end of the dais and eagerly await their five minutes on the CSPAN camera. Most times they really have nothing to say so they thank the Chairman for holding the hearing, mention their home town and usually say something like "and I reserve the balance of my time." But 400 postings! I want to thank you readers for your steadfast loyalty over these past twenty months. Bob Hope's theme song "Thanks for the memory" contains the following lyric:
-And thanks for the memory - of sunburns at the shore - nights in Singapore -
-you might have been a headache but you never were a bore - so thank you so much! unquote.
May I never prove boring as I reach for the 500 level. And if my inkwell doesn't go dry.
tjs
Next -The Automat
(Comments and feedback are always welcome here and on Facebook)

No Free Lunch

Have you ever cruised around the block looking for a parking meter with some "green" time left by a good samaritan? Well, no more in the city of Santa Monica, California where the city fathers have placed sensors in the pavement so that when an auto vacates a spot its meter returns to zero time. It has been called a "greedy" parking meter but the city claims it will make the system more efficient. The meter maids will be kept busier and the city's coffers will grow. Watch for other towns to follow.
Some communities have installed kiosks that issue paper receipts to be placed under windshield which also displaces X meters and offsets the Good Samaritan rule. Isn't technology grand?
tjs
Next - Milestone

Father's Day

My Father's Day started with a trip to Starbucks where the barista wished me a "Happy Father's Day" then on the way home a woman I did not know wished me the same. And after Mass the priest asked all grandfathers, fathers and godfathers to remain standing for a special blessing. In thirty-one years of fathering and godfathering no one had ever offered me such. But the highlight of my weekend was a surprise visit from my son down from New York and we bonded while watching the U.S. Open. I hope all you fathers out there had a similar pleasure filled day particularly if strange women greeted you on the street, in elevators, on the subway or wherever.
tjs
PS - Today celebrates the Summer Solstice - the longest day - let the sunshine in!
Next - No Free Lunch

Trolling

Be careful what you wish for.  Since December Sweden has allowed its national Twitter account @Sweden to be placed in the hands of average citizens for one week at a time. Such person is known as the Twede of the week or the Curator of Sweden to print whatever comes into their mind - some profound - some profane - the latest person is considered a "Troll" in internet speak. The idea was thought up by their Tourism Agency with a P.R. firm to get sleepy Sweden back on the tourism map. Some in NYC say they want in to such a scheme. Just think - 8 million "characters" vying for 140 characters. Read more in NYT 6/17/12 by Matt Flegenheimer.
tjs
Next - Father's Day

The Horsey Set

A show horse co-owned by Ann Romney has qualified for the International Olympics in the "dressage" event to be staged in London beginning August 2nd.  Ann and Mitt Romney will be in attendance - this just prior to the G.O.P. convention in Tampa beginning Aug. 27th. "Dressage" is a competitive equestrian sport and considered the highest expression of horse training. The horse's name is Rafalca and will be ridden by Mrs. Romney's long time riding tutor.  Steven Colbert is having fun with this announcement so you can expect "late nite" to be piling on, too. Moving our team to London - riders, horses, gear and feed - is a considerable challenge in logistics and is being handled by UPS (Mr. Brown) Attention you railbirds - there is no wagering on this event. And I doubt if NBC will consider this event in prime time.
tjs
Next - Trolling

The Young Churchill

The NY Times wrote that a new exhibition "Churchill, the Power of words" is showing at the Morgan Library & Museum in NYC.  They have recordings of his voice giving many speeches. But one of the more curious items describes the following: In January 1932 he was in New York on a lecture tour when he was struck by an auto at 5th Avenue and 76th Street and needed medical assistance. Below ver batim is the Rx dictated by a New York physician:
-This is to certify that the post accident convalescence of the Hon. Winston S. Churchill necessitates
-the use of alcoholic spirits especially at meal times. The quantity is naturally indefinite but the -minimum requirement would be 250 cubic centimeters. Unquote (Approx 8 ounces or 5.33 Jiggers)
Remember this was in the midst of Prohibition - until 1933. It is unclear whether he was dispensed Scotch, Brandy or something "imported" from Canada but it must have proved sufficient to whet his appetite then and for years to come.
On a personal note my mother recalled walking five blocks to an Apothecary prior to 1933 to obtain similar spirits. The druggist was the go to guy of that era.
tjs
Next-TBA
PS - Sunday is Father's Day - Congratulations to all you Dads out there.

Affairs of States

We recently exchanged our Florida drivers licenses for new ones in Pennsylvania. Since 9/11 these motor vehicle departments have been asking for more information - two examples of identity and two more supporting residency. We gave them SSNs - Passports - leases - Tax filings - vendor invoices, etc.
And they asked several more questions re voter registration, organ donor, etc. But we are now privileged to drive in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. As for Q&A, some years ago the Chicago Cubs baseball team had a double-play combination - Baker, Banks & Bilko - (as differentiated from the jeweler Baker, Banks & Biddle). The pivot man was the great Ernie Banks who loved the game so much he used to say "let's play two!" The first baseman was Ernie Bilko a huge fellow - pretty clever around the bag but apparently not too swift otherwise. It was a time when the teams moved between cities by rail and after a game in Canada they were returning home and had to declare for U.S. Customs at the border. The Customs agent asked Bilko his place of birth. He replied "Car 12 lower." Of course, you wouldn't expect to have to stuff big Ernie in an upper berth, would you?
tjs
Next -The Young Churchill

Support our Sisters

S.O.S. - Yesterday it was Save our Ship - today it stands for "Support our Sisters." I was distressed to see the good religious sisters come under criticism from the Church hierarchy.  The Sisters of St. Joseph were instrumental in shaping my formative years. First grade - Sr. Teresa Gertrude - seventy children - 140 galoshes in the cloakroom - Second grade - Sr. Paschall - not more than twenty-one years old - still spending summers going for a degree - third grade Sr. Ann Benedict - Sr. Arsenia had seventh grade and Sr. Jeanne Marie, the top sergeant, had eighth preparing us for high school entrance exams, spelling bees and she even took me on the subway to Gimbels to purchase red slippers for me to wear in a church procession.  Such noble dedicated women now disappearing from the scene. So to show my concern I will take part in a public show of support today, Friday, on some street corner in Philadelphia. Look for me on the six o'clock news - I will be wearing "white" for purity - and hope for no tomato stains.
tjs
Next -Affairs of States (Tues.)

Big "U" update

Next month July 2012 will mark the 60th anniversary of  the S.S. UNITED STATES record breaking maiden voyage across the Atlantic Ocean. As many of you know she was taken out of service in 1979 and for the last sixteen years has been tied up at an idle berth on the Delaware River under the current ownership of the S.S. UNITED STATES Conservancy. A celebration marking this milestone will be held on June 15th at the Independence Seaport Museum. The fund raising event is being promoted by Dick Vermeil the former coach of the Philadelphia EAGLES. Recent philanthropy monies will run out in November and the conservancy is in need of funds to keep the great ship from the scrapyard. S.O.S. - Save our Ship!
tjs
Next -Support our Sisters

Random Numbers

This week we went to obtain a new cell phone - with a few bells and whistles - since we are back in Pennsylvania and new clients of Verizon. Since we didn't want to keep the Florida number they advised that they would assign a new phone number by a random selection - something Ma Bell never did. It felt akin to spinning the roulette wheel - ten new digits to remember! While half way around the world the Shanghai stock market fell 64.89 points on Monday. This also represents the date June 4, 1989 the date of the Tiananmen Square crackdown. There were some in Beijing who were skeptical that this number was "randomly" created and the censors quickly began blocking searches on the item. So many things in life are random and here are just two.
tjs
PS - Re Ma Bell this story goes back to the time of circular dial phones. A commercial client had a promotion in the works and requested a new number 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 to fit in with their plans. The Bell person dissuaded the client by telling  him that such a number would attract every four year old just learning to count and such traffic would drive them crazy.
Next - TBA

My brother's keeper.

The NYTimes June 1st had a lengthy obituary for Jack Twyman a talented NBA basketball player for the Cincinnati ROYALS in the 1950s. He was not only great on the court but also off. When his teammate Maurice Stokes suffered a paralyzing brain injury Twyman stepped up and became his legal guardian. As such he raised thousands of dollars for medical care and organized a charity game every year to augment funds. Stokes was injured in 1958 in his prime and lived another twelve years while Jack Twyman cared for him. But I thought back to the early 1950s when Maurice Stokes played for a small college in Pennsylvania - St. Francis of Loretto. Each year his team came into the Palestra in Philadelphia to play a local team. This was an era when student athletes stayed in school for four years and I watched him mature from his freshman to senior years. He was silky smooth and an early example of a power forward. He was NBA rookie of the year in 1956 and his career was cut short by his injury. But then entered Jack Twyman and the late Arthur Daley of the NY Times likened him to the biblical good Samaritan.  Twyman was white and Stokes was black - two "regal" ROYALS from Cincinnati.
tjs
Next-TBA

Deja vu again

What is so rare as a day in June ? Weddings, graduations, lots of daylight and Father's Day just around the corner. But then  the planet shifted on its axis - the Stock Market tanked - wiped out five months of gains in one day - June 1st. Then my publisher informed me that my VISA cards were invalid - the same cards they readily accepted one year ago. The same day I visited my friendly banker to pick up some "register" folders - the kind that fit in your checkbook. They come with a three year calendar page to assist you in planning cash flow, etc. When I returned home I discovered the calendar page was for the years 2006-2007-2008. Didja ever try to get these folks on the telly? My first attempt landed me at a call center in West Virginia - at the bottom of a mine.  The next effort put me in New England. I just wanted a couple of "registers" but found myself in a time warp - turning back the clock six years. Perhaps the bank was in denial - after all 2006 was way before our financial crisis of September 2008.
Too big to fail but not above lulling me into complacency. Yes, it was a rare day in June. Andy Rooney where are you?
tjs
Next -My brother's keeper.

Punny or Funny VII

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

As the shoe said to the hat, "You go on ahead, I'll follow on foot."

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully, they will be able to recoup.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. OR

It was a formal wedding - white shotguns..............(ouch)
tjs
next - TBA