Epitaphs II

The art of tombstone "rubbing" has been practiced over the years by genealogists and folks interested in their family tree. Some use butcher paper or interfacing and rub with charcoal, chalk or crayon. As tombstones are artifacts the practice is illegal in some states. You can find more on the subject on Google, where else?

On the 22nd of June - ______   ______ went out of tune.

A nuisance in life - he brought us relief in death. (Ouch)

I've made some good deals in my time - but I'm going in the hole on this one.

Excuse me, I can't stand up!    Groucho Marx wanted this but didn't get it I believe.

Cast a cold eye on life, on death, horseman pass by. (William Butler Yeats - County Sligo, Ireland)

That's all, folks! (Mel Blanc)

tjs
Next - Thoughts at Random (Mon.)

Rule Brittania

As a closet Anglophile I thought we should forego Friday humor for a day and commemorate the Royal Wedding of William and Kate. My wife set the alarm for 0430 so we could witness the nuptials and what follows. We spent the wedding eve listening to some of my favorite English music which I will share with you - at the same time not foisting my music taste on you.
You might enjoy Dame Vera Lynn singing WWII songs - i.e. "We'll meet again." "Wishing will make it so." - "A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square." "Bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover."
And my all time favorite Ray Noble Orchestra with vocals by Al Bowlly i.e. "The very thought of you" - "Love is the sweetest thing" -"Goodnight Sweetheart." These were recorded circa 1932/1934 and many can be found on YouTube.
Al Bowlly's pure voice was silenced during the Nazi blitz and Ray Noble came to the U.S.A., did some arranging with Glenn Miller and later to Hollywood where we heard him on radio with Bob Hope.
The Brits do weddings "well" - and funerals. London is one of my favorite cities but be careful stepping off the curb - they still drive on the left. But for now pass the strawberries and clotted cream - and cheerio!
tjs
Next - Epitaphs II (Sat.)

The Telephone Operator

In many businesses the most important person in the house was the telephone operator (think Lily Tomlin) sitting at her Western Electric switchboard with all the tangled wires and blinking lights. All incoming calls passed thru her headset and she knew whose wives were calling and sometimes why. It was a prudent person who remembered her at Valentine's Day and Christmas. And in a crisis or emergency you wanted an old pro at that key station. As an apprentice I was sometimes asked to sit in when the operator went on break - when the lights all started blinking it was panic time. I also learned that by leaving the key open the operator could monitor the conversation but, of course, protocol dictated that this was never done. These brief stints at the console gave me an appreciation of the dexterity of this clever person with the professional manner and clipped diction - she could pronounce the number nine in two syllables. Her voice was the first heard by a caller as she portrayed the image of your company. Hence, I say "bouquets and kudos" to your telephone operator - and give her/him a raise.
tjs
Next - Epitaphs II

Hello, Central!

Before there was Ma Bell there was Keystone - before we had push buttons we had circular dialing -  and before we lost our individuality by becoming just a number, we had those charming "exchanges" to cling to as part of our identity. In Manhattan, if yours was CHelsea you knew you were a west sider. If you had a GRamercy exchange you lived on the east side. Many exchanges identified your neighborhood and became status symbols - similar to having a Princeton post office address. PEnnsylvania 6-5000 was the number of the Pennsylvania Hotel and made famous by Glenn Miller's orchestra. And BUtterfield -8 was the number you called for Elizabeth Taylor's services. Our office in the Battery was DIgby 4-5800 but that was thirty years ago - I wonder who has it now. One time when we were still dialing, a firm asked Bell to change their number to reflect 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 for a special promotion they were planning. Bell discouraged them with  the opinion that every three year old just learning to count would be dialing them up all day. Later the area code 212 for Manhattan became precious as newer numbers were assigned 646.
A New Yorker relocating to New Jersey tried to sell his 212 number on Ebay. Other nostalgic identifiers were PLaza 4 - TRafalgar 7 - MUrray Hill - ALgonquin - all gone like Joe DiMaggio.
In the very early days a household might  be required to share a line with several neighbors - it was called a "party line" - if you attempted to make a call you might find your neighbor in conversation and, of course, you immediately hung up and awaited your turn on the line.........
To be continued.
tjs
Next - The telephone operator.

The Main Line

Merriam-Webster defines the word "mnemonic" as a device intended to assist memory. Sometimes it is done with a set of numbers or word play. The suburbs northwest of Philadelphia are known as the Pennsylvania Main Line as many executives of the old Pennsylvania Railroad built their mansions along that route which is still a charming and affluent area today. And they all rode the Paoli local to and from their Philadelphia offices. Someone invented a "mnemonic" to remember all the station stops along the way - and it is split by east and west branches as follows:

Old        Overbrook                                            Really              Rosemont
Maids    Merion                                                  Vicious            Villanova
Never    Narberth                                               Retrievers        Radnor
Wed      Wynnewood                                          Snap               St. Davids
And       Ardmore                                                Willingly          Wayne
Have     Haverford                                              Snarl               Strafford
Babies   Bryn Mawr                                            Dangerously    Devon
                                                                      
                                                                           Beagles           Berwyn                 
                                                                           Don't                Daylesford
                                                                           Period              Paoli

If you memorize these quotes, then when jarred awake from a nap, with no conductor around, hopefully you will know where you are and you won't miss your station. But don't spend too much time in the bar car. (Sorry to be parochial with this one.)
tjs
Next - Hello, Central.

Musings while Shaving

They say that Los Angeles is a sprawling metropolis of thruways and overpasses - with few sidewalks - where people communicate by bumper sticker. You've seen them - "Honk if you love Jesus" - "If you can read this then you are too close". I heard the following the other day but my bumper isn't big enough.
A bar owner in New York had this written on his chalkboard - "Veni, vedi, velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around." (from the Latin translation).
Then there are the merchants who use us to advertise their products. I don't buy Tommy Hilfiger clothing because I don't want his name on my chest, cuffs, back, lapels, etc - he makes you feel like a walking sandwich board. As for advertising I just read where some community is allowing advertising on the sides of their school buses.....
 Flash! just read where Glenn Beck is leaving New York. In the old days we would say he was one step ahead of the landlord.

Enough for now - it's Andy Rooney's turn.
tjs
Next - The Main Line

Easter Parade

Some years ago my wife and I went into Manhattan to attend Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral on Easter Sunday. Fifth Avenue was closed to vehicular traffic as the citizens were showing off their finery in an informal parade. My wife remembers every detail of the outfit she wore that day. I seem to recall I was wearing black shoelaces. After Mass we sauntered over to the old Intercontinental Hotel on East 48th street for brunch. As we entered the dining room the piano player took one look at my wife's bonnet and segued into Irving Berlin's "Easter Parade". Berlin wrote simple tunes - he was limited to writing in only a few keys so he had an attachment to his piano - a wheel or lever - which he shifted back and forth to other keys. The first line of Easter Parade "In your Easter bonnet" was originally "smile and show your dimple" - somehow that wouldn't work. So, Happy Easter to you and yours.
tjs
Next - Musings while shaving.

Pearly Gates

It is said that St. Peter is the keeper of the keys and one needs to pass muster with him to gain entrance to Heaven. I heard he gives an oral test and one of the questions surrounds the feast of Easter. So witness the following scene as three deceased fellows arrive on the doorstep together:
P - so No. 1 what do you know about Easter?
No. 1 - Easter is when they have parades, wave flags and shoot off firecrackers.
P - sorry, pal - down you go. No. 2 what do you know about Easter?
No. 2 - Easter is when the man in the red suit comes down the chimney with gifts for the children.
P - Wrong - don't forget to pack your asbestos suit. No. 3 what about you?
No. 3 - having seen his friends rejected said - Easter is when they put Jesus on the cross - and then they laid him in the tomb - and on the third day he came out of the tomb - and saw his shadow and went back in the tomb and we had forty more days of winter.
P - using baseball parlance said - "Three up - three down."

So I was thinking Heaven might not be as crowded as we thought. And when it is my time to go, St. Peter will be a little older and I hope he doesn't change the questionaire. But he just might lower the bar so that even this rigid limbo dancer might sneak under and finally obtain that long sought after prize- a table by the window.
tjs
Next - Easter Parade

Good Friday

Today, April 22nd is Earth Day so let's be kind to the environment. It is also my son's birthday and I remember the day he was born. But it is also Good Friday in the Christian world so in deference to the reverence attached to this day I will forgo any Friday humor until tomorrow - Saturday.
tjs
Next - Pearly Gates

Easter Miscellany

Easter is very late this year - April 24th - and only two weeks before Mother's Day which has the florists unhappy as they prefer a bigger gap between these two busiest holidays for their industry.
Many of the secular symbols have been handed down from earlier times  - both the rabbit/hare and the egg are symbols of fertility and connected to the Spring equinox. Many organizations hold Easter egg hunts - in the White House children would be searching for eggs on the south lawn while Ronald Reagan had a jar of jelly beans on his desk. Hard boiled eggs were dyed various colors which prompted a practice of "egg tapping" which Europeans called "epper" or "upper". When we visited our cousins they seemed very adept at the game which involved two parties tapping their eggs against each other and the first one to crack was the loser and gave up their egg to the winner. I always seemed to leave with fewer eggs than I came with. Much later I learned that the tapered end of the egg is the more vulnerable to the rounded end.
 I thought my cousins invented the game as they always had the "upper" hand.
This year the Greek Easter also falls on April 24 which is unusual. Normally, theirs is celebrated at a different time and the Greek kids down the street shared their delicacies with us - their breads, cakes and particularly their roasted chestnuts - the aroma of which I encountered much later from the vendors on the sidewalks of New York.
tjs
Next - Good Friday

Top Gun

The lead story yesterday was about the first lady's plane arriving Andrews A.F.B. too close to  the lumbering cargo plane ahead of hers. While her party was in no danger the pilot took evasive action to slow down landing. We average citizens know how it feels to be stacked up above the clouds awaiting clearance to land, with the sun streaming in the right window and then the left - and then the right - and worrying about our connection.
My brother was a Navy weatherman - Aerographer 3rd class. He knew all about cumulus nimbus clouds.
 In 1946 he was stationed at Atlantic City Naval Air Station - this was the propeller era. A private plane was landing and the tower requested the pilot to "expedite your taxi." There was no acknowledgment.
 The tower repeated "AC Niner Four Zero expedite your taxi.' The pilot came on and asked what does expedite mean. It couldn't have been a Navy pilot for those Top Guns knew how to "speed up".
From New York to Washington, perhaps next time the first lady will try Amtrak. Even Joe Biden uses Amtrak. But you do need a reservation.
tjs
Next - Easter Miscellany

Veeck as in Wreck

Above is the title of the autobiography of Bill Veeck probably the most colorful individual in modern baseball. He combined innovation, promotion and public relations together which often infuriated the baseball establishment. Born in Chicago, his father was an executive with the Cubs and young Bill sold popcorn at Wrigley Field. During his career he held ownership positions in Cleveland (Indians) where he brought Larry Doby, the first African American, into the American League followed by the ageless Satchel Paige (46) to win a pennant in 1948. Later in Chicago (White Sox) it is said he induced the announcer, Harry Caray, to sing "Take me out to the ball game" during the seventh inning stretch, which became a fixture at the game. Supposedly it was his idea to plant the ivy in Wrigley Field. To bring more people to the games he provided fireworks and exploding scoreboards but his craziest stunt took place in St. Louis (Browns) when he sent a midget up to the plate to pinch-hit and gain a walk. The umpires were furious. Veeck was in the U.S.Marines during WWII and a leg injury required amputation so he had a wooden leg. He was also a heavy smoker and bore a hole in the wooden leg to act as an ashtray. After his baseball career - and the owners were glad to see him go - he owned the Suffolk Downs race track in Massachusetts. While there  he wrote his final book titled "Thirty Tons" which represented  the daily  output of manure produced at the track. On the subject of religion he once said "I believe in God but I'm not too clear on the other details." I think of this guy kindly during the seventh inning stretch or when watching the ponies run. (Note - Kentucky Derby first Saturday in May)
tjs
Next - Azorian

Sesqui-Centennial

Today the scorekeeper reminded me that this is my 150th posting. I didn't know I had that much to say.  My thanks to all of you for staying with me so long. When our country turned 150 years old in 1926 there was an exposition/World's Fair held in Philadelphia called the Sesqui-Centennial Exposition. This was a time of prohibition which lasted from 1919 to 1933 - fourteen years without a legal drink - amazing! One of the highlights of the exposition was the Jack Dempsey/Gene Tunney fight  - fought outdoors in the pouring rain before 120,000 fans. My father was in the crowd and later gave me his ticket stub which I no longer have. Tunney outboxed Dempsey and won a ten round decision. Boxing was very popular in this era and the New York Times devoted nine pages to the fight. Tunney married a wealthy socialite and retired from the ring shortly after the second Dempsey fight in 1927 in Chicago, which he also won in the famous "long count" fight. His son John was a Senator from California 1965/1977. Dempsey nicknamed the "Manassa Mauler" retired in 1940 and opened a successful restaurant in Manhattan where he personally greeted the diners on entrance. Today is also Patriots' Day in Boston celebrating Paul Revere's famous ride. Bosox fans hope the holiday crowd will help the team break out of their slump.
tjs
Next - Veeck as in Wreck.

Epitaphs I

I have always been fascinated with epitaphs on tombstones. You don't see many today probably because engraving costs are high - or perhaps the deceased lost his sense of humor at the end. I have researched a few which I will feed to you in small doses.

I told you I was sick!

Here lies an atheist - all dressed up and no place to go.

Be fearful of mediocrity......???

A fatal exception error has occurred.     (A techie)

Here lies Lester Moore - four slugs from a 44 - no Les - no more.

I'll be back..........
tjs
Next - Sesqui-Centennial (Mon.)

Convention Moments

While the political conventions are a year or more away, the pundits keep beating the drum with their prognostications. Looking back there are several convention "moments" that come to mind:
Thomas E. Dewey had led the Republican ticket to defeat in both 1944 to FDR and in 1948 losing in an upset to Truman. So at the 1952 convention the silver tongued Sen. Everett Dirksen of Illinois was holding the gavel and as he looked down at Dewey sitting in the front row he admonished him for taking the Party down the road to defeat. Dewey stared back at him and you can be sure - having been a crime busting D.A. from New York - no one had ever humiliated him like that.

The 1968 Democratic convention was in Chicago - there was much unrest in the country and anti-war sentiment. The protesters outside were met with retaliation by the police and it became very ugly. Inside the hall Gov. Abe Ribicoff of Connecticut was nominating George McGovern when from the lectern Ribicoff looked down at Old Mayor Daley of Chicago and castigated him for the actions of his police. The television coverage of the day did not enable one to read Daley's lips but suffice he was furious.

Then there was 1948 Democratic convention when Sen. Strom Thurmond led the Dixiecrats out of the hall and Truman won  anyway over Dewey in an upset.

At any convention when the delegate from Puerto Rico rose to announce his one vote there was always a round of applause. In 2012 the G.O.P. plans to hold their convention in late August in Tampa, Florida. It can be very hot in Tampa in August and we might expect some heat inside the hall as well. They should sell a lot of iced tea to the partiers.
tjs
Next - Epitaphs I

Steamer Rug

This photo recently appeared on EBay advertised for sale @ $225. asking price. It is a steamer rug or a deck chair blanket of the USLines passenger service. The label shows a likeness of the liner vessel and was made by the Horner Woolen Mills of Eaton Rapids Michigan. When the SS AMERICA was taken out of service circa 1960s her surplus equipment was sold at auction from a warehouse in the Jersey City N.J. area. I was still in Philadelphia and with a pocket full of cash I drove up to Jersey City to see what it was all about. Most of the attendees were institutional people interested in bedding, dishes, cutlery, etc.
After I learned the bidding drill I was attracted to a carton of twenty-one 8 ounce glass water pitchers with the company Eagle logo etched thereon. When they came on the block I bid fifty cents each - was unopposed  - and carried them home for gifts to family and friends. They were great for martinis for one but who wants to drink alone. I have one left. The prize item in the catalog was the Steamer rugs - still in their wrappers - brand new. Everybody wanted them so the house set the price at $9.00 each with maximum six to a bidder - and I stuffed my half dozen in the car and drove home on a high. I have one left.
After the deck steward tucked you in to these blankets, occasionally they would suffer burns from cigar and pipe ashes - rendering them unusable. I recently learned that the company employed seamstresses on Chelsea Piers in Manhattan who surgically repaired these items for use in the dog kennel on board the passenger liners. So the passengers' dogs enjoyed the same comfort as their masters/mistresses. Just a bit of trivia I found interesting. Stay warm.
tjs
Next - Convention Moments

Across the Pond

 
With all eyes on the United Kingdom in anticipation of the royal wedding, I thought I would offer some London anecdotes.................I had a boss back in New Jersey - Charlie E. who was Exec. V.P.  He drove a taxi cab in Philadelphia to pay his way thru Lehigh Univ. so he new my Pennsylvania sales area as well as I so I could/would never attempt to bluff him. He awoke at 0430 hours to make his daily morning phone call to London as they scurried around to prepare for it and if they ran the gauntlet successfully they could then plan their luncheon engagements. For his monthly visits he would take the redeye from JFK and after a restless flight he would grab a few winks at his hotel before visiting the West End office. When he arrived the staff thought he did not look well. He explained that when he awoke from his nap  and looked in the mirror, one side of his face was discolored and he thought he had suffered a stroke. In reality he had slept on the chocolate candy the maid had laid on his pillow thereby discoloring his face.

On another occasion after a restless flight he hit the ground running and upon arriving at the London office he met the westbound sales manager at the door. Charlie said "Kid, are your ships full?" Our man replied "Pretty full,, Mister E." This was obviously not the right answer so the old man said "Is your bloody paycheck pretty full?" Ouch. He was tough but he was fair and left us too soon.
tjs
Next - Steamer Rug

The Great Blackout

On the evening of July 13, 1977 I was in Manhattan having dinner with friends after which we retired to their third floor apartment (elevator bldg.) There was maximum daylight in mid-July but around 9:00PM the power went out all over the city. This was long before cell phones so we were unaware of the scope or duration of the problem. After several hours waiting in the dark - with no air conditioning - I decided to walk to Grand Central Station - nineteen blocks from Gramercy Park - to see if the trains were running to Westchester. On the way up Lexington Avenue - wearing my straight sailor straw hat with briefcase - an arm came out of a darkened doorway attempting to invite me in. I shook her off and quickened my pace. The only illumination was from auto headlights and a few citizens with flashlights directing traffic.
When I arrived at Grand Central the station was completely dark with no trains running. My options were either sleeping on the station steps and risk another mugging or retracing my steps back to Gramercy Park which southbound is downhill. My friends took me in and I spent the night on their sofa. Daylight came early but still no power. The biggest inconvenience was there was no flushing toilet. I found buses running and made it to the office at the Battery but that was futile as there was nothing to do so I took several buses and finally made it home. As usual in these cases there was some vandalism and looting. While flashlights, candles and a battery radio would be valuable, the best advice would be to quickly fill up the bathtub before the pumps would quit to maintain a bucket brigade. I estimate the power was out at least fifteen hours - in a major city - in the middle of summer. The lights went on July 14th which happened to be Bastille Day so we could celebrate our return to "power."
tjs
Next - Across the Pond

A Golfer's Lament

I smuggled this one out of the nineteenth hole with no wish to offend. And this being Friday........

This fellow went to confession and told the priest that he dropped the F bomb - the priest said "tell me about it."  Said the penitent - I was playing golf and hit a beautiful drive 250 yards straight down the fairway and it rolled and came to rest in a divot."
P - so is that when you said it?
G - No, not yet - I got out of the divot with a shot heading towards the green when it caught a tree branch and dropped into the rough.
P- Oh, that's when you dropped the F word.!
G - No, not yet - I ripped a shot out of the rough toward the flag - it landed on the edge of the green but with the backspin it trickled down into a pond.
P - That must have been the time!
G - No - a strange thing happened - a seagull picked up my ball and dropped it twelve inches from the cup.
P - Don't tell me you missed that F___ing putt!!!!
tjs
Next - The Great Blackout (Mon.)

Candid Camera

The article was datelined Ridgeland, S.C. a town of 2518 people approx. 20 miles north of the Georgia border. This town has installed cameras on Interstate 95 and as a result they have nabbed thousands of motorists for speed violations. These are the only such devices along 2000 miles of I95 from Florida to Canada. I seem to recall the last speeding ticket I received was in South Carolina. And me with Florida plates. Good thing they didn't know I was a Yankee. Their many different counties and townships have a penchant for changing speed limits. As many of us use this thru corridor you need to be alert when passing thru Ridgeland. I don't mind tolls for bridges and tunnels but the State of Delaware has a toll booth right on I95 as it uses a few miles of their territory. Need to ease back on that cruise control.
tjs
Next - A Golfer's Lament

Brevity II

I do not subscribe to Twitter as I find I cannot confine my message to keep within 140 characters. It takes that many just to clear my throat. But there is nothing wrong with brevity. Some years ago Western Union was the only venue available for sending messages. They had a flat rate for ten words or less and the cost escalated in excess of ten words. It was circa 1920 and my mother worked in an office in the Kensington section of Philadelphia. She and most of her co-workers walked to work. On the day of a great snowstorm she couldn't navigate the sidewalks and many stayed home. But one eager fellow made it in and seeing an empty office decided to make points with his boss and sent a telegram to the boss reading as follows - "In though sick, few others here." signed//. So you see, even ninety years ago we had the office politics, self promoting, kissing up and some of the same maneuvering we see today. But there is nothing wrong with brevity. Tweet - tweet.
tjs
Next - Candid Camera

Just Friends

One of my nephews has 1,007 Facebook friends - another young tickler of the keyboard has 729. Either way, that's a helluva Christmas Card list! Perhaps I should buy Hallmark stock. I have fifteen - two of whom sometimes write in foreign tongues. Several of my senior friends were induced to join the network by grandchildren. One even had his name misspelled. The host is constantly urging for photos but octogenarians  are not that photogenic. I eventually removed my year of birth as it was causing raised eyebrows in certain quarters. So I have to pose the question - "How do we identify our friends?"
A - How about someone who offers you an interest free loan?
B - or visits you in the hospital?
C - or helps you post bail?
D - or prays over your bier?
E- or your masseuse who really DOES have your back?

My oldest and best friend is someone I met in the third grade - I don't think he is on F___book. It must be a generational thing. And unfriending seems so cruel but maybe better than pistols as twenty paces.
tjs
Next - Brevity II

Two Mark Alley

On my orientation trip thru European ports in 1964, one stop was the port of Hamburg, Germany on the River Elbe. Hamburg was one of the original Hanseatic States  - the people are aggressive with a Prussian bent - contrasted with the Bremeners in Bremen who are a little softer but still competitive. After a day on the docks in Hamburg I had an escort give me a walking tour of the Reeperbahn - the Red Light District. He was a fitness buff and walked very fast which was a blessing as one didn't dawdle or linger in this area to ogle the ladies in the windows. It reminded me of how fast I would walk down 42nd street in Manhattan before Guiliani cleaned it up. The term "two mark alley" reflected the price the sailors would pay the ladies for "companionship" - this long before the Euro. The cafes on the strand had little telephones on the tables for conversing with neighboring tables. And then I was off to my next port of call before I could get in any trouble.  But I always wondered if those ladies are still sitting in the windows - winking and smiling.
Auf Wiedersehen, my dear.
tjs
Next - Just Friends

All Fools Day

Today is April Fools Day so be careful of the pranksters in your midst. I had a friend back in New York who was no fool but had no idea of the significance of that date. His recognition of April 1st was that it was the opening of trout season which every outdoorsman would know.  As the date approached he used to visit the Abercrombie & Fitch store in mid-Manhattan whose sporting department maintained a casting pond up on their roof where he could practice casting with a new rod and try out some new flys. It was said that - when he was in town - Ted Williams the famous Boston Red Sox baseball player would also visit that site as fishing was his first love. Personally, I found trout to be tasty but with too many tiny bones.
As for the late, great Ted Williams I believe his heirs still have his body preserved cryogenically in liquid nitrogen - but on the whole I think he would rather be fishing.
tjs
Next - Two Mark Alley (Mon.)